We immediately started shoveling everything into savings and just cut back in every way possible. When the first day of being unemployed came it was pretty scary but the experience was also not as bad as it could have been. And don't forget, I'm writing this based largely on my journal entries from that time so this isn't some looking back and forgetting the hellish details kind of list, this is real time reporting, sort of. Well, you know what I mean. On to the good stuff.
Oh, I should give you fair warning, this list is going to read like a motivational speech. I'm almost embarrassed to share but it's true, it's a pretty fool- proof plan.
So here we go. This is how we made surviving unemployment, well, survivable.
- Be grateful. We had a home. There was food in the fridge. Our kids were healthy. We still had each other. The list went on and on and the more we tried to be grateful, the more we had to be grateful for.
- Have some perspective. Yep we were out of a job. That sucked. But you know what's really awful? Being familiar with your local children's hospital. That's on a completely different level of awful. Stepping back and saying "yes, this is hard but the things that really matter (our children, our marriage, our faith), those are okay.
- But also accept that the situation is pretty awful. Our children were healthy, our marriage was solid and our faith had never been stronger but we were still really worried. Giving yourself permission to feel bad about your situation is okay.
- Cut back. We didn't eat out. We didn't buy new clothes. There were serious conversations about needs versus wants. Most things got classified as a want. We actually kept a running list titled "When Greg Gets a Job". All of those things that we didn't do or buy we would put on the list. I was looking at it the other day and it's pretty funny. We had put things on the list like dish towels and socks. New socks are nice but feeding your babies, that's better.
- All work is worthy. As long as it's legal of course. What I mean is that sometimes we start to think that certain jobs are beneath us but I'm here to tell you that your mortgage company accepts your money whether it came from a full time job with benefits or stocking shelves overnight at the grocery store. While you're looking for work don't be afraid to take a temporary position to make ends meet.
- Pray. A lot. Before the loss we were very active in our church. We both held positions as teachers and leaders and we always tried to do our best. Our religion wasn't a Sunday only kind of thing but when all that we could do was turn everything over to God and ask for His help, well that took us to a whole different place in our spiritual life. I'm not saying that we're perfect saints now (ha, so far from it) but we have a deeper understanding of the mercy and goodness of God and His Son.
- Accept when people want to help. Greg and I had prided ourselves on being people that gave instead of taking. People that we loved would offer to help and it was really hard to just say thank you and accept their offering. Being in a position of need forces you to learn humility and gratitude.
- Cling to each other. It wasn't Greg's fault that he lost his job. It wasn't mine that I couldn't make up the difference in our income. What was, was. Blaming each other would have been so destructive. There was never a time when we needed each other's love and support more. Our marriage is rock solid in a way that we never knew was possible.
As we went through our time of unemployment we would say to each other "I'm so glad that this happened". That's because it was a time for us to learn what was most important. We understand in a little deeper way how much we mean to each other. We know just how little we need to be happy. Our faith and our family and our marriage are different because of this experience. We needed something serious to wake us up to the reality of what we had. My hope as we go forward is that I won't ever lose that conviction of what matters most.
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