Giving up but not giving in

so little!

by Kristen

In a fit of desperation I opened my Gospel Library app and looked for my conference talk bookmark (I usually listen to a talk or two while I'm getting ready for the day). So I found my bookmark and started listening.

But I guess I should give you some backstory first. Today has just been one of those days. Actually if I'm honest this week has been one for the record books. I've been walking around mildly ticked off at the world and trying not to lose it. There has been a constant battle between tears and yelling, both of which I try to avoid.

I was losing the battle this morning. The last straw was when my sweet little Maggie wanted to help vacuum.

"I help you". 

Yes, I know. These days are short and I won't have littles helping for much longer. I am all too aware of that. This time goes fast. Someone wiser than me said "our lives passed away like... a dream". I agree. 

But I still wanted to vacuum. 

I was desperate for calm so in a moment of Divine inspiration I turned to my app and started listening where I had left off. It was this talk by Boyd K. Packer. About the marriage relationship and families.

I should have added that I was also irked with my patient and kind husband. Why? I don't know. I think he looked at me wrong or something earth shattering like that.

The next talk in line was by Linda Burton, also about marriages and families. And that was when the tears really started to come. 

Thunderbolts wouldn't have been more dramatic, I get it!!

These days of raising children are hard. I am constantly on duty. I don't get a break and I don't get sick days. 

I am allowed to be overwhelmed sometimes. It's okay to feel that I'm just not enough. And sometimes I think it's even okay to not be thrilled to be around my family (occasionally, not all the time).

Because when this life is over I will know that most of the time I did a really good job and that there were even days when I was above average. I know that even when I don't feel like I'm good enough for this job, that I'm really doing okay. These hard days aren't the sum total of my existence, there just that: days, and usually not even days, most often it's measured in minutes and sometimes hours.

So here's a note to myself for the next time I feel like throwing in the towel and retreating to a cave: hold on. You're going to make it and you're doing a good job. Plus you can't give in, no one else makes cookies like you do, it's your gift!

Who made you the boss of me?

by Kristen

Why should you listen to me?

Well my kids (especially that cute one pictured above) ask that question and the answer to them is that I'm their mom and that's just the way life works.

Obviously that doesn't work for this space and you readers. You deserve more of an answer than "because I said so". You shouldn't ever follow any of my advice if it doesn't ring true to you.

I don't have degrees in finance (although I'm working on it) and I haven't been trained in child psychology or anything else child related (although, hello, I do live in a lab).

The only qualifications that I have are life experience and granted, I'm only 32 so my life experience isn't really that vast but it's also not non- existent (double negative!). I don't have lots of letters after my name and I don't have an overly dramatic story to tell.

But Greg and I are here in the trenches, we're in the middle of student loan debt and raising 5 kids and keeping a marriage strong. We've learned a few things and we want to share. I learn so much from other people's stories so I thought that by creating this space where Greg and I are real and open and honest, that maybe it will help you.

Of course that does open our life and our choices to criticism. But that's okay with us. Greg and I know that what we're doing is right for OUR life and OUR family. We have felt that this is the right thing for us to do and we'll keep doing it as long as we feel we need.

Don't do something that we suggest if it doesn't feel right and don't share if it's not something that you agree with.

But if it does feel right than we're glad we can help and if you do feel like sharing, thank you.

Wake up!

I was reading my beloved Wall Street Journal today at lunch (leftover scrambled eggs and potato salad, weird but yum) when I saw this heartbreaking poll.

Like I wanted to cry.

Nest- Egg Numbers: how much surveyed workers 55 and older said they have in savings and investments.

Less than $1000        21%

$1,000- $9,999           11%

$10,000-$24,999        11%

$25,000-$49,999         9%

$50,000-$99,999         9%

$100,000-$249,999    14%

$250,000 or more      25%

Guys. This is so sad. We work our whole lives and we look toward retirement as our reward for a lifetime spent caring for and providing for our families. Then to see that 75% of people have less than $250,000? That's just horrible. And while 250K sounds like a lot of money right now, just try living on it for 30 years. It's not going to go far.

This has to stop. Don't think that you're just magically going to be okay when you retire because you're a good person or because you've worked hard. You are those things and more but it doesn't work that way. You have to be smart and you have to be intentional with your money.

Get out of debt.

Stay out of debt.

Have a plan.

And SAVE something! Let interest be your friend, let it work for you for a change. Once you're out of debt start putting just a little bit aside each month. Before you know it, magical compound interest is going to take over and you won't be one of the 21% with less than $1,000 to your name.

Be smart. That's pretty easy, right?

Oh and if you're one of those who is over 55 and aren't where you want to be, don't give up. As long as you're still breathing there's time to change. You are going to have to be extra diligent but I'm certain you can make it.

Different Hats

Disclaimer: I'm constantly learning how to live life. I don't ever claim to have all the answers! This is what's worked for me, you are probably different. And that's OK!!

I often get asked how I fit college into my life. People wonder how I take care of my family and work and go to school and still take naps. I answer with the flippant answer "that's a good question, I don't know!"

But even though it's hard for me to give serious answers, I do have a few tricks of the school/ family trade.

1. PLAN. Everything. Don't leave anything to chance. I have a planner from iheart organizing that I live by. It has our menu, everything I need to do and what I am expecting to get done during the week. It's even possible that I schedule naps for myself but I'll never tell. I plan out the next week on Sunday nights so that I know exactly what's on tap. I also use my trusty sticky notes to write down everything that is due in the coming week, I number each assignment in order of priority. That goes on my desk and as I complete an assignment I cross it off. That gives me an idea of where I need to be at each day of the week, that way I don't have the weekend rush trying to get everything done.
2. ELIMINATE. During the school year I don't (usually) do projects besides those related to school. I love home fix up and sewing and all those other time consuming projects but they aren't a priority during the school year. I also don't let myself read much of anything besides textbooks and my scriptures. I'm too easily distracted so if I don't even start than I'm better off. 
3. DELEGATE. The kids take care of most of the housework. I don't empty the dishwasher or dust. I don't take the garbage out and I certainly don't clean the kid's rooms. Yes that does mean that jobs don't always get done the way that I would like but I'm teaching my kids to be productive members of this family. That means that they take ownership for their zones and I don't follow behind touching up. I do know that there are some messes that I can't deal with so I do the vacuuming, sweeping, mopping and cleaning the bathrooms. I have a super quick routine that takes maybe 20 minutes 2 or 3 times a week. I won't win awards for the cleanest house but that's not really my goal.
4. ASK FOR HELP. On Saturday mornings my better half takes the kids and they go do something (anything really, just as long as it's not at the house) while I catch up on homework or take a nap. That's a chance for me to recharge and get ready for the next week. I look forward to that time alone. 
5. SAY NO. It kills me to say no but I can't do it all. I try to focus on the things that only I can do. I am a wife and a mother first, student second. Everything else can and will be done by someone else. And if you have known me for any length of time you'll know how hard that is for me to say!
6. DIVINE INTERVENTION. I can't do any of what I do without help from God. I constantly pray to do what needs to be done. He always amazes me with His perfect answers.

And of course there are days when everything falls apart and it's all I can do to make it to bedtime. That's when I try to remember that this is the busy season of my life and I'm okay with that. Occasionally I feel like I'm running around with no purpose but when I look back at what I'm doing I'm sort of blown away. I don't say that to brag but because I think that we're all like that. We are all doing amazing things and we don't even realize the greatness. 

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Okay, yes. The title is a take on the game show from years ago but seriously, have you ever wondered what it takes to become a millionaire, or at least retire a millionaire? A few weeks ago on the Dave Ramsey show there was an entire segment dedicated to exploring the secrets of America's millionaires.

I have always wanted to talk to someone who has "made it". I have wanted to find out what they have done to be successful with money. Dan talked to Dave and explained how he and his wife were able to be successful. He wasn't any different from the other millionaires that were on the show. Here's what I think:

• Dan didn’t average over 100k, most of the time he had a normal income
• He was debt free
• They put money away consistently
• He didn’t inherit money or win the lottery
• They didn’t buy new vehicles
• They lived below their income
• Bought things with cash
• Didn't have student loans

Those that are successful follow the principles found in "The Millionaire Next Door".  They followed solid financial principles that worked for our grandparents and they were consistent. These men and women are also living pretty ordinary lives. You wouldn't pass them on the street and be able to guess their net worth. And you know, that kinda makes me wonder, how many of my friends and neighbors are secretly wealthy? Not because I think that's information we need to share (so don't tell us) but I just wonder if there are more people that are able to live comfortably and give outrageously than we know. That's something to think about.

It takes serious work and dedication to retire with over a million dollar net worth but it's possible. And you don't have to be lucky or somehow special to do it, you just have to focus. Oh and get out of debt, we're still working on that part but we'll get there. I think we can all do it.

My First Job: aka The Worst Summer Of My Life

Way back in the olden days, okay so it wasn't that long ago but my kids, well you know how kids are, anything past 6 months ago is ancient history. Okay anyways, back when I was a teenager, I think I was 13, my mom insisted that I get a job. She didn't care that people typically didn't hire 13 year olds to do anything productive. I kept trying to tell her that it was illegal for children to work and that there were even laws about it. It was called child labor.

Obviously she was smarter than that and she kept telling me to find something. Or else.

I don't remember what "or else" was but I know I was scared. So I took to the streets (not like that, get out of the gutter, people) of my small town and went looking for work. I finally found a "job" at an animal shelter. Can I just interject here that I've never really been a fan of animals? They're nice in theory and I loved our dog and I'd be okay with another dog but most of the time they didn't/ don't do much for me.

Anyhow, I worked at the animal shelter a few days a week cleaning kennels. Here's a fun fact about dogs; they don't use the toilet. They're pretty happy with the concrete. There were also quite a few dogs that were in the shelter for the good of the community. Meaning that they weren't the play fetch kind of animals.

So there I was scooping poop, trying not to get attacked all for the rich sum of...

Wait for it...

Nothing! Yep, I did all of that for free. All summer long. And I had to walk to work, it was totally uphill both ways. For reals, we lived in the hilliest town known to man. To make matters worse, I had to walk by the house of this boy that I had the biggest crush on. I was certain that one day he was going to rush out of his house, declare his undying love (like all 13 year old boys do) and then take a whiff of my workplace stench and change his mind.

It was a nightmare.

Toward the end of summer my boss took me out to lunch as a way to say thank you. She asked if I had been arrested and was having to do community service. I think I might've started to cry.

I smelled bad. I was poor and now she thought I was a criminal.

Let's just say that every job I've had since then has been a million times better.

So thank you Mom, thanks for putting the fear of God into my scrawny little body and making me go to work. Now that I'm a parent I understand why you did it. Does that mean I'll do that to my kids? Make them work at crappy (get it...) jobs to learn a lesson?

Well, probably. I mean, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

I'm also not really phased by dirty diapers, animal shelter for the win!

Happy Friday!! ~Clay's Debt Free Journey

I heard this inspiring story the other day from a man named Clay. No matter how down you are in this life you can get out of it and get back on your feet. This amazing man made restitution to those that he had stolen from. I feel that if we try to forgive others and ourselves, we are well on our way to a great life. I could feel the emotional release when he screamed, it was like we were all there cheering him on. 

I hope we remember that when we get discouraged in whatever we are facing that we fill our minds with positive things. One thing he did to help him was to think of his kids. That inspired him to do the right thing and turn his life around. If we remember the good things in life it is harder to drag us down. Focus on the good and try to repay the bad.

At the end of the day the grace of God is what makes the difference. Clay is an inspiration and an example of what it means for a man's heart to be changed. Pretty amazing.

Here's another video that gives us a better look at Clay's story and some of the things that he did to completely and totally turn his life around. This is one of the good ones.

Body Shaming, Ballet and Bicep Curls

Here's one of the great paradoxes of life: I want my children to grow up with healthy body images but I also want to lose the last of my extra (can't call it baby because it was there long before) weight. Can I still work on creating a healthy body but still teach that people are beautiful no matter their shape and size?

I have friends that suffer from poor self esteem and have an awful perception of their bodies because they grew up in homes that were obsessed with image and body size.

I'm doing all I can to NOT have that in our home!

But I am also dedicated to exercise and am always trying to develop healthier habits. 

Does that make me obsessed? Does that give my kids an unrealistic view of what health is? Do they think that they won't be good enough unless they do those things?

So far I've lost about 25 pounds and I sort of cringe a little when people say something. Not because I don't want people to notice, believe me, I love the compliments! I just worry when my children hear people say things like "you look so great", I wonder if they think that I didn't look good before and that maybe the only way to look good is to be thin. I wonder.

Am I worrying about something that isn't even worth worrying about? I am really careful to never talk about dieting, I only talk about healthy eating and how food makes my body feel. I talk about how strong I feel from lifting weights and how good it feels to run. We never shame our bodies or anyone else's! We also don't use descriptors like fat, thin, big, small, etc. So I feel like we're on the right track. 

I guess I just worry. Two of my girls are in ballet and we all know that the dance world is littered with eating disorders. I hope that they are seeing healthy habits modeled and that they understand that their worth is not dependent on their waist size or by what they weigh. And no, I don't think men are immune to eating disorders and to challenges realted to body image. I am just as careful around them.

I love the body I've been blessed with. It's done some pretty amazing things and I'm in awe of the majesty of the human body. It is without a doubt evidence of a Divine Creator. I am also trying to make it into the best possible version of myself, a version that isn't influenced by a photo shopped image, rather one that feels the very best.

I just hope that in my effort to create my best self that I am not hurting my children. Does that make sense?

Look out below!

We recently finished paying off our last Visa card. We had it for over a decade and finally are done with it and closed the account. At the start of this year we had 10 debts that we were working on and grinding out. I am happy to report as of today we have paid off 6 of those debts! What is more interesting is the amount that we have paid off so far for the year is over $10,000. WHAT!! 10k in 4 months how did you do that you ask? Well I will tell you because we like you and hope that you can gain some inspiration from us and change your debt story.

The method we are using is what is called the debt snowball. Just think in your mind about some nice thick snow lying on the ground and what happens to a small snowball as you roll it in that snow. What happens is the snow you are rolling it in starts to stick to it. Now think in your mind what would happen to the snowball if you had it rolling down a hill how fast it would grow.

That is the same type of thing that happens with your money when you list your debts smallest balance to largest on paper. First attack that smallest debt and throw all the money you can at it and pay the minimums on the rest of the debts until it is paid off. Once that is paid off then you focus on the next debt taking the minimum payment of that small debt you just paid off and adding it to the next largest debt and whatever money you can throw on that one. Then you keep going down the list until they are all paid off. The key to it is focus!


If you are feeling like you are out on a lake in a canoe without paddles when it comes to debt start small and focus on one thing at a time. Don't try and juggle 4 or 5 things at once it doesn't work well. For those who are finance geeks don't worry about interest rates on your debts just put focused intensity on one thing at a time and you will have success. Once you have success knocking out the small debt and achieving a victory it will give you momentum to keep going on to the bigger debts. The debt snowball is powerful and I know it works and it will work for you.

That feeling of getting rid of debt is addicting. We were so excited when we paid off that first debt, it just felt unreal! It just got better, every time we paid off another debt we just kept feeling more and more excited. When you pay off each debt in your debt snowball the feeling just magnifies and you start to feel less weight on your shoulders and it is AWESOME!!

PS- our grand total we have paid off since we have started this debt free journey is over $20,000, which just blows my mind.

Regrets

I was driving down the road the other day thinking about houses and debt and time. I did some quick math in my head* and figured that if we had just paid a few hundred dollars extra on our mortgage payment every month, we would have a paid for house.

Crazy.

We've been here in this perfectly perfect house for 10 years. Those few extra dollars would have made such a huge difference. To be 32 and 37 with 5 little kids and a paid for house... that's almost unbelievable.

We had that money every month but instead of being able to save it or put it toward the house we were spending it on who knows what.

Actually I do know, we were blowing it on stupid stuff or making Visa payments or sending it to the student loan companies. To think about it that way just makes me sick.

If we had been focused we could be out of debt.

If we had been smart we could have payed cash for Greg's education.

If we were determined we would have college funds for all our children.

But we weren't focused or smart or determined, instead we were just living what felt like a normal life. We didn't know there were other options. And that sucks. Sometimes I feel so frustrated and disgusted with the choices we made, it just makes me want to scream!

But then I take a deep breath and I vow to not have the same regrets in 10 more years. We're not perfect now and we haven't learned everything but we know a whole lot more than we used to.

I'm done with regrets, what's done is done and the only thing I can do is move on. We're working on getting out of debt and once we're out we're never coming back. Being obligated to some finance company somewhere isn't how I want to live my life. I'm over that!

*I ran the numbers when I got home and I was right; $400 a month would have given us the deed to our house. 

Starting Over Again

And again. And again. And one more time.... Okay, so this could go on forever. But I think you get my point. None of us are perfect, very rarely do we ever do something perfectly the first time and then keep hitting perfection each time.

Like my oldest daughter says "h space a space h space a" (10 year old sarcasm, heaven help us). Most of the time life is a series of high, low, high again, serious crash, repeat and repeat.

We started getting serious about getting out of debt way back in 2008. Nope you didn't read that wrong. We only had 3 kids, we were younger and we had less than half of the debt we're carrying now. So what happened between then and 2015? Why did we add a ton more to our load?

I already told you about grad school. We also made a couple more stupid choices along the way. So here we are again, we are blessed to have 5 kids and sadly, twice as much debt and we're following the same plan that we started on all those years ago.

What's different this time around? Why do we think it's going to work?

Well this time the kids are involved. When we started our oldest wasn't even in kindergarten and now we have 4 in elementary school. Greg and I talk about being in debt and the things that we're doing to get out of it. We've told them about the way that being in debt robs your freedom. Last week I drew a thermometer on construction paper. It's our debt tracker and it has numbers on each side. On the right is the total amount we have to pay back and on the left is the running total of what is done. It's pretty exciting to come into the kitchen and see them gathered around the paper seeing how much we have paid back.

One of the things that has made us so motivated is knowing that we have 5 kids headed on missions and to college in the not distant future. Somehow all of that has to be paid for and we don't want to be unable to help our children because we are still cleaning up our mistakes. That's a huge incentive.

I've shared with you how Greg and I are both committed to this plan but it bears repeating. We are on the same page. Totally. Sadly that hasn't always been true. After our fourth child was born in 2009 I just kinda went off the deep end. I lost touch with everything that mattered for a couple of years. That included our finances. Greg would try to encourage me to get back on track so that we could get rid of our debt but I wouldn't respond. We were making great money back then so technically this debt could be gone by now but because I was just barely surviving I couldn't do it. We lost those few years but now we're back. Everyone is mentally and physically healthy and we can devote our resources to this massive goal.

Am I certain that this time around is going to be different? Well, no. I occasionally worry but I'm not focused on the fear of failure. Instead we keep working and praying and talking about what we are doing. We're planning a celebration trip for when this debt is gone. The kids have decided where they want to go (Nashville, Disney World and a cruise, oh my) and Greg has printed out pictures of a cruise ship and a Disney World map for us to drool over. Every morning after family prayer we practice our debt free scream (WE'RE DEBT FREE!!!) and we just keep following our plan. I don't know what's coming next but I do know that we paid off one of our little debts just yesterday and man, that feels good.

I should get an A

A new semester started yesterday. I always love the beginning of each set of classes (fresh start and all that) but this one is super exciting because I am done with generals and now I get to move on to classes for my major. I feel like a real live grown up with a life plan... or something like that.

Anyhow one of my classes is Personal Finance and I just had to laugh when I saw the syllabus. The course objectives are as follows (direct copy and paste):

1. The student will demonstrate management of their personal finances including budgeting, bank services, insurance, home ownership, investments, and retirement planning. Each student’s management style will embody elements of uniqueness of problem solving strategies and goal selection.

2. The student will demonstrate an understanding of the importance of personal financial planning in their personal and family lives. Students will show evidence that their financial decisions will impact both their family and society.

3. The student will demonstrate awareness of the financial services markets and recognize the connections relative to access to financial services, credit score, interest rates, income and individual financial opportunity.

4. Students will be aware of critical personal financial literature including classic and contemporary thought.

Budgeting, I've got that. 

Problem solving strategies, have you seen my life?! 

Personal financial planning in family lives, hah, in my sleep. 

Interest rates, you want to talk interest, let's talk about student loan interest. 

Critical personal financial literature? You should see my nightstand.

I'll give you a full report at the end of the semester but based on the course objectives I'd better get an A in this class because people, I am LIVING this class!

Our Story

Hi there.  Cute family right?  I'm a little biased but I'm kinda in love.  There are 7 of us.  Crazy, I know.  Sometimes I look around and I think "what the?!  I'm too young for this!".  But crazy things happen and they're all ours.  I'm wife, mom and enforcer.  He's my better half.  He works the hardest, keeps our family headed in the right direction and works some crazy hours to take care of us.  He's also sort of the best guy ever.  I thank God everyday for the phone call that started it all.

After we had been married for a little while and were expecting our first baby (she's 10 now), Greg decided it was time to get an education.  He was working at a pretty good job but we knew it wouldn't work for forever.  Plus he didn't want to be stocking shelves in a warehouse for the rest of his working life.  We didn't really have the money for school but the financial aid people told us that student loans were a great option.  So we signed on the dotted line and he went to work.  Greg worked a full time job and went to school full time.  While he was earning his bachelor's degree we were blessed/ surprised/ excited to add a set of twins to our family.  I was able to stay home and take care of our babies which was a really good thing because I can't even imagine the cost of daycare for 3 littles under the age of 2!

He finished school and went to work.  The student loans were pretty overwhelming and the job just wasn't paying enough so he started working part time at a really great company.  After a few years in the real world Greg realized that he was getting stuck in his career and that he needed and wanted a master's degree in the field that he loved.  So after some long conversations and prayer and debating, we decided on a program that would give him what he wanted and would also be flexible enough to work with a family of 6 (we're up to 4 kids by this time).  We weren't smart enough to figure out how to pay for it so we just signed up for more student loans.  Greg got his master's degree, we welcomed another baby to the family and we added to our debt total.

Stop!  Don't think that we went into this blindly.  I know that it seems a little crazy for us to have 5 kids in a relatively short span of time and to take on a crushing amount of debt but I promise we did try to be smart.  We believe that having a family is the most important thing and we were blessed to have 5 kids.  That's amazing.  We didn't know how to get the education that we knew was essential without taking out loans.  Of course now that we've learned a few things we could have figured it out.  But we can't beat ourselves up about the past.  I've forgiven myself for my mullet- like haircuts during the nineties and our previous love of matching polo shirts (full body shudder), I've also made peace with the fact that we made some stupid financial decisions.  The only thing we can do now is just move on and try to clean up the mess and to NEVER do this again.

So here we are.  Greg works a full time job and a part time job.  He is gone everyday from 730 in the morning until 930 at night.  I work part time a couple of hours a day and take care of all these kids.  The reason we are working and sacrificing so much?  Because we are not willing to live with debt for the rest of our lives.  Our monthly debt payments are more than our mortgage payment.  We're not okay with that.  But that means that we both have really long days.  Five days a week Greg is away from home working two jobs and feeling isolated from us.  He hates that.  Five days a week I am the only one taking care of homework and shuttling kids here and there and making dinner and baths and flossing and brushing teeth and putting everyone to bed.  I hate that.  We're both tired and overwhelmed and focused and determined.

I also don't want anyone to think that all of this is the result of Greg and his choices.  First of all, we are a partnership.  There's no yours and mine, it's all ours.  I willingly agreed to every single student loan application.  I am also the instigator of a decent portion of our debt.  Just like it took both of us to make this mess it's going to take both of us, plus some Divine help to clean it up.  But we're going to make it.  We have a written budget.  We say no to each other and to our kids all the time.  We have a short term and long term plan.

So there you go.  I've just shared our deep, dark secret.

My name is Kristen and we're in debt.