Surviving Unemployment: Part One- The Kids

This is the first post in a series about our experience with unemployment. It was almost exactly a year ago (January 2, 2014) that Greg lost his job and we started a new chapter of our lives. It actually was the greatest experience of our lives, and I'm not just saying that after the fact. You know how people will look back and say "that was hard, but it wasn't that bad", they're probably forgetting the actual hell they went through. I wrote in my journal pretty regularly during that time so I'm not just remembering things through rose colored glasses. But on to the important stuff.

I didn't grow up in a financially secure home. I remember being scared and embarrassed and afraid that we were going to be without essentials and maybe even homeless. I worried a lot. There were so many unknowns. That doesn't mean that my parents weren't good people, they were and are really great, there were just a lot of challenges. So I know what it's like to be a scared child. When we found out that we were losing Greg's job I immediately knew that we had to be certain that our children felt secure. They needed to know that they were going to be cared for.

Here are a few of the things that we did to help our little ones (and ourselves) feel safe during a really uncertain time.

• Keep the kids informed. When I paid the mortgage I would tell them that the house was taken care of. We showed them the food in the fridge. I told them that the utilities were paid. We also told them that our family was cutting back so there wasn't room for extras in the budget. When they talked about wanting to go somewhere or do something that cost money we would say things like "we only have a small amount of money and it needs to go to food or utilities or...", that helped them to see that the choices we were making were important and that were weren't just trying to be mean.
• But not too informed. They didn't need to know how much was in our bank account (I could tell you to the penny) or exactly how many months we could have lived on our savings (5 months and 2 weeks). It was not important for our kids to know what the numbers were, only that they were being cared for.
• Do fun things together. It was really tempting to only focus on essentials but we felt that some things needed to continue to happen even though they didn't make exact financial sense. So we kept making chocolate chip cookies and sometimes we would go to the dollar store and let the kids pick out a treasure. We also went on adventures to the park and to the library (and anywhere else that was free). We didn't let the horror of being unemployed suck all of the fun out of our life.
• Tell them about the good things. We had a neighbor that took our Suburban to his shop to do safety and emissions but when he brought it back it had new tires, an oil change, a tune up, a full tank of gas, registration plus the safety and emissions. He also forgot to bring the bill home. We anonymously received a gift card in the mail with a very large balance. A friend handed me cash and walked away. Every time something like that would happen, we made sure to tell the kids. We constantly talked about how blessed we were.
• Be grateful. Greg and I were and still are very grateful for this change that was forced on us and we made sure to talk to the kids about all of the good things that were happening. We listed all of the good in our lives and we tried to focus on that instead of the fear.
• But let them be scared and then reassure them over and over that they will be cared for. Sometimes the uncertainty of it all would get to the kids (and us) and make them (and us) act out. There would be fits and tears and screaming. We tried really hard to stay calm and to let them be upset. We would then list all of the ways that they were being cared for. We told them that the bills were paid. We reminded them of family and friends that would care for us if we needed their help. We reviewed all of the good things that had happened. Sometimes just acknowledging the fear made it go away.

Greg and I are certain that it was Divine intervention that helped us help our children through a scary time. We are not naturally that smart, we had a lot of help and thankfully we were able to make a challenging time a very special period of our lives. That's pretty incredible no matter how you look at it.

366 Days Ago

Our best Christmas came last year. Greg was losing his job and we had 5 little children, the youngest just a few months old. We had a little bit of warning that this loss was coming so we decided to buckle down and throw everything we could into savings. We wanted to be sure that we could keep a roof over our family and lights and heat and food on the table. We hoped that unemployment would be short but we just didn't know what was in store. Christmas was coming and there was no way that we could justify spending money on presents, not with uncertainty looming. Greg and I decided to make Christmas very small. We were going to spend $5 on the older kids and nothing for each other. This didn't feel like a sacrifice or a sad thing. It was just the right choice for our situation.

Fall 2013: the usual pre- pic chaos

Then our neighbors found out and decided to take care of things. Every year our little neighborhood does a Sub- For- Santa and they chose to bless our family. They filled our living room with gifts, things for each member of our family.  

We would come home at night and there would be more gifts and cards and jars full of coins in our screen door. This happened for days.  

One night the doorbell rang and Santa was standing there. He had a bag full of toys and a candy cane for each child. He greeted the kids by name, handed me an envelope then said "Merry Christmas" and drove away. We didn't recognize the car or the face or the voice, he was a complete stranger.  

When people gave us things I just cried. I could never make the words come out. Greg and I were so overwhelmed by the kindness of people that we knew and loved and by the generosity of strangers. For some reason they chose to bless our family in ways that might have seemed superficial and maybe non- essential but every gift that they gave meant so much more. They gave us the courage that we needed to face our coming trial. They reminded us that God above was watchful and mindful of our little family.  

That's why last Christmas was our very best ever. It was the year when we were only able to do a little tiny bit for our family but because of the grace of others it was the most plentiful time in our lives, not because of the overwhelming gifts but because of the love we were surrounded by. That's why a tiny baby came to earth over 2000 years ago, He was born to make up the difference and to do for us what we just can't do alone. That's the real meaning of Christmas; Jesus Christ, the Savior of the World.

Student Loans and Silver Linings

I'm starting to feel like a one- trick pony, all I talk about are student loans! Indulge me one more time and read about some of the good things that have come from all of this mess.

Say WHA??????!!!!!!!!!!!

Great things. Seriously. Today I am guest posting at Strawberry Mommycakes and to say that I am thrilled is like the understatement of the year. So click on over.

Student Loans: not the only option

In my last post I mainly talked about the educational debt we are carrying.  Obviously that's not all that we are responsible for but it's the largest portion and it's the debt that we thought was "smart".  I'm here to tell you that it wasn't smart.  At all.  Everyone knows that credit cards are a bad idea.  That's finance 101.  Car loans aren't that much better but when it comes to paying for your education, that's when it gets a little gray.

Greg and I didn't have any parental support.  Well not financial support, both of us have really great parents.  When it came to paying for school we assumed that the only way to do it was to just get a loan.  Before we were married Greg had tried paying for school as he went but it just wasn't working.  Then when real life (wife and later baby) showed up, he wanted to be able to take more than one class per semester.  That's why we turned to student loans.  We weren't willing to go to our parents to ask them to subsidize us, we didn't qualify for too much grant money, we didn't know that scholarships were an option for average people and we weren't smart enough with our money to just pay for it.  

So after signing up for classes we met with financial aid officers.  I don't blame them for not giving us all of the information that we needed to make an informed decision.  I don't think that they were fully aware of the implications of this debt.  I guess that everyone assumes that getting the degree will make it possible to easily pay back the loan.  I also think that the "get it now, pay later" myth has transferred into education.  Rather than making some serious cutbacks and sacrifices we just went the easy way.  So when the FAFSA came back telling us that we were eligible for X number of dollars, well we just went for it.  But a loan is a loan.  It's money that has to be paid back.  And just because they offer it to you does not mean that it's free money.  It's just a number that a computer somewhere has decided you need to pay for your education.

Most of the debt that I hear people are struggling with is student loans.  At the end of 2013 the average student leaving school was $29,400!!  That is an insane amount of money! That's just the regular bachelors degree student.  If you work for a graduate degree you can double and even triple that number without breaking a sweat.

So what do we do now?  Greg is done with his education but I'm still working on my degree. We have pinkie sworn and written in blood that we won't take out any loans for my education.  So the advice that follows is what we wish we would have known 10 years ago and what we are doing right now to pay for my schooling.

1. Be very selective about the school you attend.  Is it in-state?  Is it a public school? Are you stuck on going to that school because everyone in your family went there or is it really the best one for you?
2. Are you getting the right degree?  Don't choose a field without knowing what a career in that area looks like, you might be an excellent seamstress but you might not be able to support yourself and your family sewing (just an example, work with me). Little backstory:  Greg originally wanted to pursue graphic design but as he got into the program he realized that maybe it wasn't right for him and his goals.  Fortunately he realized that early on and was able to switch.  But on the flip side you also don't want to pursue a career just because it's known to have big money attached.  If you're not passionate about your job it will be a death sentence and you definitely won't be successful.  To sum it all up:  do some research, shadow a successful person, try not to be emotional about your choice of major.  Logic needs to take precedence. Because the absolute biggest waste of your money and time is a degree that's not useful in a field you hate.
3. Apply for every scholarship that could possibly fit your situation.  I just applied for one for left- handed people.  Seriously, google "scholarships" and you will get over 99 million results.  Ya, I'm pretty sure you'll find a few that will work for you.  Individually they might not be for much money but I'm here to tell you that every little bit makes a difference.
4. Work while you're in school.  Unless you're in a crazy demanding program you can fit work into your life.  Don't think that I'm trying to pat us on the back but Greg worked all through his schooling. Somehow he managed to hold down 2 jobs AND get his masters.  I go to school while working part time and being Mom.  It can be done.  
5. Have a serious, strict budget.  This was our biggest downfall.  I look back at the money we were making and it would have been easy for us to pay cash for school if we had been better about telling our money where to go before we spent it, rather then watching it walk away.  We've been on a detailed written plan for more than a year and it has made all the difference.

I just wish that someone, a parent, a friend, anyone would have taken the time to sit down and really talk to us about the choices we were making.  We were so young and stupid and now we're still young and probably stupid except now we are paying a high price for our choices.  You can't ever get away from student loans.  Well, you don't have to pay them if you're dead but since death is pretty final, let's not go down that road!  If you're in school or you're getting ready to go to school or you know someone headed to school please talk to them.  Be that voice of warning that we needed.  

Education is a really good thing.  It opens your horizons and gives you opportunities that you can only dream about but losing sleep over the money you owe?  There's no better way to suck the life out of your future.  Trust me on that one.

Our Story

Hi there.  Cute family right?  I'm a little biased but I'm kinda in love.  There are 7 of us.  Crazy, I know.  Sometimes I look around and I think "what the?!  I'm too young for this!".  But crazy things happen and they're all ours.  I'm wife, mom and enforcer.  He's my better half.  He works the hardest, keeps our family headed in the right direction and works some crazy hours to take care of us.  He's also sort of the best guy ever.  I thank God everyday for the phone call that started it all.

After we had been married for a little while and were expecting our first baby (she's 10 now), Greg decided it was time to get an education.  He was working at a pretty good job but we knew it wouldn't work for forever.  Plus he didn't want to be stocking shelves in a warehouse for the rest of his working life.  We didn't really have the money for school but the financial aid people told us that student loans were a great option.  So we signed on the dotted line and he went to work.  Greg worked a full time job and went to school full time.  While he was earning his bachelor's degree we were blessed/ surprised/ excited to add a set of twins to our family.  I was able to stay home and take care of our babies which was a really good thing because I can't even imagine the cost of daycare for 3 littles under the age of 2!

He finished school and went to work.  The student loans were pretty overwhelming and the job just wasn't paying enough so he started working part time at a really great company.  After a few years in the real world Greg realized that he was getting stuck in his career and that he needed and wanted a master's degree in the field that he loved.  So after some long conversations and prayer and debating, we decided on a program that would give him what he wanted and would also be flexible enough to work with a family of 6 (we're up to 4 kids by this time).  We weren't smart enough to figure out how to pay for it so we just signed up for more student loans.  Greg got his master's degree, we welcomed another baby to the family and we added to our debt total.

Stop!  Don't think that we went into this blindly.  I know that it seems a little crazy for us to have 5 kids in a relatively short span of time and to take on a crushing amount of debt but I promise we did try to be smart.  We believe that having a family is the most important thing and we were blessed to have 5 kids.  That's amazing.  We didn't know how to get the education that we knew was essential without taking out loans.  Of course now that we've learned a few things we could have figured it out.  But we can't beat ourselves up about the past.  I've forgiven myself for my mullet- like haircuts during the nineties and our previous love of matching polo shirts (full body shudder), I've also made peace with the fact that we made some stupid financial decisions.  The only thing we can do now is just move on and try to clean up the mess and to NEVER do this again.

So here we are.  Greg works a full time job and a part time job.  He is gone everyday from 730 in the morning until 930 at night.  I work part time a couple of hours a day and take care of all these kids.  The reason we are working and sacrificing so much?  Because we are not willing to live with debt for the rest of our lives.  Our monthly debt payments are more than our mortgage payment.  We're not okay with that.  But that means that we both have really long days.  Five days a week Greg is away from home working two jobs and feeling isolated from us.  He hates that.  Five days a week I am the only one taking care of homework and shuttling kids here and there and making dinner and baths and flossing and brushing teeth and putting everyone to bed.  I hate that.  We're both tired and overwhelmed and focused and determined.

I also don't want anyone to think that all of this is the result of Greg and his choices.  First of all, we are a partnership.  There's no yours and mine, it's all ours.  I willingly agreed to every single student loan application.  I am also the instigator of a decent portion of our debt.  Just like it took both of us to make this mess it's going to take both of us, plus some Divine help to clean it up.  But we're going to make it.  We have a written budget.  We say no to each other and to our kids all the time.  We have a short term and long term plan.

So there you go.  I've just shared our deep, dark secret.

My name is Kristen and we're in debt.