Some Family's Slideshow!

by Kristen

One of the requests for our family reunion was to put together a video of your family, you know, a "show off the awesome stuff you do" kinda video. I was afraid the people in charge* would stake me out and leave me for the bears so a couple nights before the kids and I left, Greg and I chained ourselves to the computer and dug through digital clutter to find a few gems.

We were mostly successful. Enjoy!!

*my family's actually not that scary... usually

Song Credit: It Passes All My Understanding by Cherie Call

Scratch. Scratch.

I was rounding up the kids, trying to get them in their pajamas and settled in tents. Greg couldn't come to the Young Family Reunion (pesky work) so it was just me, my 5 kids and my nephew. Oh and a ton of aunts and uncles and cousins and grandmas and grandpas to help out so it wasn't like I was totally on my own but you know how bedtime is... you against the world.

Maggie was finally settled in her half of the tent with the sound machine cranked all the way, drowning out all those pesky sounds of nature. As I was walking back from my final herding mission I came across Anna holding a crying Nathan by the hand. She said "he peed his pants and now he's crying because his legs are hurting".

Great. "Thanks Anna". Hugs and kisses for her and then she was off to sleep with her cousins in their hotel deluxe (meaning a trailer, no canvas walls for them). I walked Nathan back to the Miles' tent compound, him screaming all the way. Once we got back I pulled his clothes off and started to wipe him off with baby wipes.

That's when the screaming really started, I was certain the sound machine wasn't going to drown out that much noise so thinking quick I wrapped his naked little body in a blanket and carried him to the nearby water spigot. I said "okay, this is what we're going to do; I'm going to put you down and unwrap you. I need you to rinse off your legs in the nice, cool water. Can you do that?"

"But someone might see me, I'm naked".

"Yes, I know you're naked but look how dark it is, I think you'll be okay". He tentatively stuck one leg in, then the other and then the fun started.

"Oh yeah! I'm sticking my bum in the water! (shake, shake, shake) I can turn around! Oh yeah! (shake, shake, shake) Look at me, I'm playing in water! (continue shaking)".

"Fun's over big guy. Let's go".

I wrapped him up again and took him back, got him dressed and in bed. Meanwhile Grant and my nephew were technically in their sleeping bags but were playing with flashlights. What is it about flashlights? You'd think they discovered the power of light when they're holding a AA powered beam. Shadow puppets. Flashlight tag. Spooky faces. All while there's a toddler sleeping in the next tent over.

Flashlights were confiscated. Prayers were said. Threats were issued. Silence reigned.

I went to get myself ready for bed, as I came back to the tents, Grant popped out of the boy's tent, holding his face with one hand and his glasses with the other. Blood was dripping everywhere.

Son of a... "What happened?"

"I don't know. All of a sudden my nose was bleeding and my glasses were somehow broken."

Right. Bleeding stopped. Glasses mangled beyond (my) repair. Boys back in bed. More threats. More silence.

I crawled into my side of my tent and laid down to read my scriptures. I was beyond exhausted. Maggie was still quiet and the boys were settled down. I was just about to drift off when I heard "scratch... scratch..."

Silence. Then more "scratch... scratch..."

Crap. It's the bear that our over- informative campground host had told us about. It was probably lured in by the copious amounts of blood that had just come out of my son's nose.

More scratching. Then I saw it. A large black shape passing by my tent.

Do I scream bear and wake up everyone? Do I yell for help? What the heck am I supposed to do??!!

The scratching stopped. I didn't see another blob. I started to think it was just my imagination and then it started again.

"Scratch.  Scratch."

I grabbed my flashlight, zipped open my tent and leaped out. Shining my flashlight all around. I didn't see anything. Of course I didn't have my contacts in... but I didn't see any suspicious blobs. I settled back into my air hammock (that's an air mattress that's lost most of it's air, they're uber fancy and only available to exhausted parents that just can't handle the thought of actually turning the pump on).

It was quiet again and I really started to think I could sleep. Should have known better. Just a few minutes later the scratching started again. This time it was to my right and all the kids were to my left so I knew it wasn't one of them. I turned my flashlight on and looked all around my tent.

That's when I saw it. Close to where my head had been. A bug longer than my first finger. Seriously, no exaggeration. It was huge. I didn't scream (kudos to me). I didn't want to smash it because I didn't know if a gallon of venom would come out. I grabbed a nearby diaper (clean, don't worry), scooped up the creature from the deep, unzipped the tent door and threw out the diaper and bug, all in one!

It only took about an hour for my heart to stop racing. And no, I still don't know what the black shape was, it probably was a bear but it was scared off by the sound machine. Man, those things are loud.

Sharing is caring

by Kristen

Anna: "You know how people always share (she used air quotes around share) their music with the people that are driving next to them?"

Me: "Kind of them isn't it?"

Anna: "It would be funny if we rolled all of our windows down and turned up our music really loud, you know, to return the favor."

Me: "You mean the classical music we're listening to right now?"

Nathan: "Everyone would say 'ahh, so peaceful'."

Anna: "Or they would say 'what the heck, what are those people listening to?!"

Yes, it's true, we do listen to classical music in the car. Here's why:

• no questionable lyrics that you have to explain to your kids, that can get awkward
• it takes the backseat fighting down a titch, only a small titch but when you're chauffeur to unreasonable short people you take all you can get
• it makes me feel like a super parent, like maybe someday they'll look back and say that all the hours that their mom made them listen to various composers while they were trapped, was what made them become brilliant doctors and compassionate leaders...

A girl can dream.

Giving up but not giving in

so little!

by Kristen

In a fit of desperation I opened my Gospel Library app and looked for my conference talk bookmark (I usually listen to a talk or two while I'm getting ready for the day). So I found my bookmark and started listening.

But I guess I should give you some backstory first. Today has just been one of those days. Actually if I'm honest this week has been one for the record books. I've been walking around mildly ticked off at the world and trying not to lose it. There has been a constant battle between tears and yelling, both of which I try to avoid.

I was losing the battle this morning. The last straw was when my sweet little Maggie wanted to help vacuum.

"I help you". 

Yes, I know. These days are short and I won't have littles helping for much longer. I am all too aware of that. This time goes fast. Someone wiser than me said "our lives passed away like... a dream". I agree. 

But I still wanted to vacuum. 

I was desperate for calm so in a moment of Divine inspiration I turned to my app and started listening where I had left off. It was this talk by Boyd K. Packer. About the marriage relationship and families.

I should have added that I was also irked with my patient and kind husband. Why? I don't know. I think he looked at me wrong or something earth shattering like that.

The next talk in line was by Linda Burton, also about marriages and families. And that was when the tears really started to come. 

Thunderbolts wouldn't have been more dramatic, I get it!!

These days of raising children are hard. I am constantly on duty. I don't get a break and I don't get sick days. 

I am allowed to be overwhelmed sometimes. It's okay to feel that I'm just not enough. And sometimes I think it's even okay to not be thrilled to be around my family (occasionally, not all the time).

Because when this life is over I will know that most of the time I did a really good job and that there were even days when I was above average. I know that even when I don't feel like I'm good enough for this job, that I'm really doing okay. These hard days aren't the sum total of my existence, there just that: days, and usually not even days, most often it's measured in minutes and sometimes hours.

So here's a note to myself for the next time I feel like throwing in the towel and retreating to a cave: hold on. You're going to make it and you're doing a good job. Plus you can't give in, no one else makes cookies like you do, it's your gift!

Summer Fun: swimming with 5 kids

this was just last year! too little!

by Kristen

I guess that title kinda sounds like a paradox... okay, sometimes it's not fun but most of the time the pool is our favorite summer spot.

But I'm outnumbered. Big time. So here's how we make it work (usually).

Do

• get everyone ready at home; swimsuits, sunscreen. You can do all of that before you leave. I also wait until we get home to have everyone change out of their suits. Well except for Maggie, she gets changed at the pool because those swim diapers are super absorbent. I think she gains 10 pounds every time she swims, no small thing since she just barely topped 20!
• bring a snack, but just a small one. I'm talking a package of graham crackers or a bag of grapes. Oh, and don't forget water (I bring a jug and small plastic cups, it's easier than water bottles for everyone). You could bring money to buy treats at the concession stand but I'm too cheap for that!
• stay halfway packed. I have a bag that always stays loaded with sunscreen, earplugs, goggles, swim pass, stuff like that. The towels and blanket get folded up as soon as they're dry and get put in the back of the suburban.
• make the kids help. Even the littlest carried her towel today. It did take her forever to walk but I'm thinking that's because she's easily distracted. You're not a pack mule, don't act like it.

Don't

• bring tons of toys, one or two is fine, more than that is too much to keep track of 
• stay too long, you can come back the next day, less is more
• think about yourself. No one cares what you look like so just enjoy your time being in the water and playing with your kids. That's the kind of mom that looks the best.
• forget to put on sunscreen. I'm an ace at making sure the kids are covered but I forget about myself. And then the next day I remember. Ouch!
• count on the lifeguards to watch your kids. That's your job, take it seriously.
• forget to have fun. Kids grow up way too fast. Pretty soon they won't want to hang out at the pool with Momma so enjoy this busy season.

I love summer. It's nice to slow down and not have a packed agenda. Enjoy whatever it is you do and STAY SAFE!!!

Different Hats

Disclaimer: I'm constantly learning how to live life. I don't ever claim to have all the answers! This is what's worked for me, you are probably different. And that's OK!!

I often get asked how I fit college into my life. People wonder how I take care of my family and work and go to school and still take naps. I answer with the flippant answer "that's a good question, I don't know!"

But even though it's hard for me to give serious answers, I do have a few tricks of the school/ family trade.

1. PLAN. Everything. Don't leave anything to chance. I have a planner from iheart organizing that I live by. It has our menu, everything I need to do and what I am expecting to get done during the week. It's even possible that I schedule naps for myself but I'll never tell. I plan out the next week on Sunday nights so that I know exactly what's on tap. I also use my trusty sticky notes to write down everything that is due in the coming week, I number each assignment in order of priority. That goes on my desk and as I complete an assignment I cross it off. That gives me an idea of where I need to be at each day of the week, that way I don't have the weekend rush trying to get everything done.
2. ELIMINATE. During the school year I don't (usually) do projects besides those related to school. I love home fix up and sewing and all those other time consuming projects but they aren't a priority during the school year. I also don't let myself read much of anything besides textbooks and my scriptures. I'm too easily distracted so if I don't even start than I'm better off. 
3. DELEGATE. The kids take care of most of the housework. I don't empty the dishwasher or dust. I don't take the garbage out and I certainly don't clean the kid's rooms. Yes that does mean that jobs don't always get done the way that I would like but I'm teaching my kids to be productive members of this family. That means that they take ownership for their zones and I don't follow behind touching up. I do know that there are some messes that I can't deal with so I do the vacuuming, sweeping, mopping and cleaning the bathrooms. I have a super quick routine that takes maybe 20 minutes 2 or 3 times a week. I won't win awards for the cleanest house but that's not really my goal.
4. ASK FOR HELP. On Saturday mornings my better half takes the kids and they go do something (anything really, just as long as it's not at the house) while I catch up on homework or take a nap. That's a chance for me to recharge and get ready for the next week. I look forward to that time alone. 
5. SAY NO. It kills me to say no but I can't do it all. I try to focus on the things that only I can do. I am a wife and a mother first, student second. Everything else can and will be done by someone else. And if you have known me for any length of time you'll know how hard that is for me to say!
6. DIVINE INTERVENTION. I can't do any of what I do without help from God. I constantly pray to do what needs to be done. He always amazes me with His perfect answers.

And of course there are days when everything falls apart and it's all I can do to make it to bedtime. That's when I try to remember that this is the busy season of my life and I'm okay with that. Occasionally I feel like I'm running around with no purpose but when I look back at what I'm doing I'm sort of blown away. I don't say that to brag but because I think that we're all like that. We are all doing amazing things and we don't even realize the greatness. 

Book Review (sort of): The Hunger Games

Way back, like 10 years ago (or something like that) when the first book in the Hunger Games trilogy came out I read it. I think I read the next 2 also but it really disturbed me. I had a hard time wrapping my brain around children killing children just for the sake of sport. And yes, I understand that there is more to it than that. There is also overcoming oppression and fighting for good even when the outlook is bleak, I get that part. There was just too much violence for my taste, it made me really uncomfortable.

Fast forward to now and my oldest daughter is reading the series. She is 10 and though I am certainly biased, I believe that she is a mature and intelligent young lady who can deal with tough subjects. She spent most of the weekend involved in the first book and then she moved on to the second. She asked a few clarifying questions and we talked, explaining a few things.

She has moved on to the second book and is about halfway through. Last night after I put the kids to bed I was looking for a way to ignore the things I was supposed to be doing (laundry, I'm looking at you) so I picked up Catching Fire. I started to read and I was horrified all over again.

It is violent. I don't think this is something that a 5th grader should be reading, in fact I don't even think it's something that I want to finish reading. I understand good story telling and I have to give Suzanne Collins credit for being a master of the craft. But I still don't think this is a good thing. 

So what do I do? I realize that I am the parent and I do have ultimate say on what happens in my home, that's a given. But what do I do in this situation? Do I stop her from reading the book? Do we set an age limit? Do we read it together? Guys, I'm torn. Help a mom out here and tell me what you would do.

Cross this off your to- do list, immediately!

Someone, somewhere came up with this great idea to teach Cub Scouts basic carpentry and friendly competition. They innocently thought that the boys would make their own cars and that they would be good sports about the race. These great, wise people called it the Pinewood Derby (click for a description) and moms have been cursing their names ever since.

See the problem with the Pinewood Derby is the organizers forgot to factor in the fathers. They didn't realize that there were fathers that would take this competition to the extreme. No one could have seen the monsters lurking inside of every Pinewood Derby dad's hearts. Okay, so not every dad goes crazy. This is obviously a gross generalization but the point is that somewhere along the way dads (and some moms) forgot that this is supposed to be a Cub Scout led project. Parents are just supposed to offer guidance and instruction. This was supposed to be a time for parents to work on a project with their young boys, not a chance for dads to take over.

At our oldest boy's first Pinewood Derby there was a father who wouldn't even let his son touch the car. Obviously this was not a car that the boy had any part in creating. So sad. I've also heard of fathers that have yelled at their boys for losing, have thrown tantrums because someone else won and have generally acted like overtired toddlers.

And don't just think that this is isolated to the Derby, nope, I see it at school when the kids have large projects due. Some are certainly created by parents. I have seen leprechaun traps that are supposed to be made by kindergarteners but instead are Pinterest inspired and professionally assembled. Really? Is this how it's supposed to be? Do we really want to teach our children that their best efforts aren't good enough and that they need an adult to swoop in and take over? Do we want to teach them that following the rules is optional? On the instruction sheets that were handed out before the Pinewood Derby it was very clearly stated that this was to be a Cub Scout led project. So if dad (or some other adult) takes over than we show our kids that it's okay to ignore the rules.

Parents, let's stop this. Taking over our kid's projects creates more work for us, it hurts our children's self- esteem and it makes it frustrating for the kids that do follow the rules. Give yourself a break and let your kids do their own work, they'll probably make a mess and they certainly make mistakes but isn't that what childhood is all about? They'll be okay, I promise.

5 Words

The kids hear them all the time.

I start to say it and they can finish my sentence.

It's pretty much my go to answer for oh, everything.

It's. Not. In. The. Budget.

In fact, I don't even have to say "it's not in the budget" anymore, I just say "5 words" and they get it.

Here's the crazy thing, there's really not that much whining or complaining. No, they're not robot kids but they understand that you have to plan for things. Life doesn't get to just happen while you run around reacting.

Greg and I evaluate and adjust our budget every couple of weeks. When we have those budget planning meetings we look at the calendar and plan for things that are coming. We plan for activities, we plan for family outings, plus all of the regular things that come up like fees and doctor's visits. Everything is planned for and as near as possible we plan for life, well, happening. Sometimes things will come up and we will make adjustments (always talking to each other first) but usually when the kids are asking for something it's along the lines of Dunford Donuts (try some, you will die) or a museum trip. Those are things that can be planned for but unless it's in the budget it ain't happening!

We're under a big ol' pile of debt and we're doing everything that we can to dig our way out. We've cut back. We're working crazy hours. We're praying constantly for a way out of this mess. We also budget very carefully and once we have budgeted we live by that plan. It's our guide for a way out of this disaster!

So when kids (and adults) start asking for stuff around here the answer is simple.

5 words.

*And yes, the picture that accompanies this post is misleading, it's not about donuts but really can you go wrong with a Chocolate Chocolate Donut? Nope, didn't think so!

Body Shaming, Ballet and Bicep Curls

Here's one of the great paradoxes of life: I want my children to grow up with healthy body images but I also want to lose the last of my extra (can't call it baby because it was there long before) weight. Can I still work on creating a healthy body but still teach that people are beautiful no matter their shape and size?

I have friends that suffer from poor self esteem and have an awful perception of their bodies because they grew up in homes that were obsessed with image and body size.

I'm doing all I can to NOT have that in our home!

But I am also dedicated to exercise and am always trying to develop healthier habits. 

Does that make me obsessed? Does that give my kids an unrealistic view of what health is? Do they think that they won't be good enough unless they do those things?

So far I've lost about 25 pounds and I sort of cringe a little when people say something. Not because I don't want people to notice, believe me, I love the compliments! I just worry when my children hear people say things like "you look so great", I wonder if they think that I didn't look good before and that maybe the only way to look good is to be thin. I wonder.

Am I worrying about something that isn't even worth worrying about? I am really careful to never talk about dieting, I only talk about healthy eating and how food makes my body feel. I talk about how strong I feel from lifting weights and how good it feels to run. We never shame our bodies or anyone else's! We also don't use descriptors like fat, thin, big, small, etc. So I feel like we're on the right track. 

I guess I just worry. Two of my girls are in ballet and we all know that the dance world is littered with eating disorders. I hope that they are seeing healthy habits modeled and that they understand that their worth is not dependent on their waist size or by what they weigh. And no, I don't think men are immune to eating disorders and to challenges realted to body image. I am just as careful around them.

I love the body I've been blessed with. It's done some pretty amazing things and I'm in awe of the majesty of the human body. It is without a doubt evidence of a Divine Creator. I am also trying to make it into the best possible version of myself, a version that isn't influenced by a photo shopped image, rather one that feels the very best.

I just hope that in my effort to create my best self that I am not hurting my children. Does that make sense?

Stupid Cliches

I consider myself a pretty calm parent. Usually.

But today (or yesterday by the time you read this)... oh my word. Whining. Complaining. Crying. Everything I hate. And that's just from me, let's not even talk about the kids!

I don't know what it is, probably a combination of things.

The school semester is almost over so I'm pushing to get everything done.

I've had a cold for the last few days, you know the kind where you're not really sick you're more achy and miserable but still able to function? That kind.

The kids are getting restless for summer vacation. I'm trying not to dread summer vacation (I love my kids really, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared this year).

I've completely slacked off on some volunteer positions that I hold, so of course I feel guilty.

Depressing, all of that. Insert pity party here. The point is that I'm not operating at 100% and I think the kids are picking up on that. Actually I don't think, I know they are. You know that stupid saying about momma being happy? Ya, that one. Well as guardian of the hearth my family's happiness is affected by my own happiness.

I hate feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and just stretched. It's not who I want to be.

So what do I do? Suggestions? Thoughts? I'm pretty sure running away isn't an option and neither is outsourcing the care and feeding of my offspring. How do you manage times like this?

And yes, I know it's annoying to end a post with a question but I'm serious, how do you keep your sanity and find the fun in everyday life? Because today I'm totally not feeling it.

In Chronological Order

2002- Boy lives in one state, girl lives in another. Boy calls girl, they talk about nothing and everything. Several more calls happen. Boy and girl spend some time together. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy proposes to girl in an airport. Girl says yes.

2003- Girl moves to same state as boy. Boy and girl get married one really cold April day. Boy and girl are beyond happy. Girl sees a tiny little puppy and says "pretty please", boy sees puppy eyes and says yes.

2004- Puppy has a rival for boy and girl's affection when new baby girl comes along. Girl is pretty certain the people at the hospital are crazy to let her go home with a baby. Boy goes back to school.

2005- Boy and girl and new baby girl and not so tiny puppy move to a bigger house and are sure they'll never be able to use all the empty space.

2006- Boy and girl get a bit of a surprise when baby #2 is actually #2 and #3. Girl is now certain the people at the hospital won't let her go home with 2 babies. They do.

2007- Boy finishes school. Girl is very grateful to have a husband home in the evenings.

2008- Girl discovers her secret desire to run a marathon. Boy tells her to go for it and is now alone with three small children most Saturday mornings while girl runs. Girl runs marathon and swears to never participate in that kind of nonsense ever again. Boy is grateful to have a wife that can again walk up stairs without crying.

2009- Baby #4 comes along bringing the total to 2 boys and 2 girls. Those people at the hospital let girl take that baby home despite her serious doubts.

2010- Girl plans a really long road trip. Boy has doubts but goes along with yet another one of her crazy ideas. Girl begins to have doubts but she's made the plans and is stuck. Boy and girl pack the kids in the car and take off. Really long road trip ends up being lots of fun. Girl also struggles with untreated postpartum depression, that's a long uphill battle but eventually everyone survives.

2011- Girl decides it's time for her to go back to school and finish what she never really started.  Boy also decides to go back to school and get his Masters degree. That big house that seemed so empty is actually bursting at the seams.

2012- Girl thinks that life is kinda boring and that they need to mix things up a little.  So kids start ballet. Some of them play baseball. All of them swim. Girl wonders what she was thinking. Boy keeps going to school like the genius he is. Boy and girl dream about spending time together not doing homework. Girl also decides to run another marathon. This one was billed as "all downhill", she discovers the race directors were lying at about the 2 mile marker.

2013- Baby number #5 decides to finally join the fun. It's a beautiful little girl who is adored by all, she's a gift from above. Boy also discovers that his long time job is coming to an end. Together they decide to batten down the hatches and ride this storm out. Boy also graduates with a Masters degree and amazing grades. This is all while working and taking care of a growing family. Girl is in awe.

2014- A job takes a little while to finally come but they're okay because despite being unemployed they're happier than ever, the savings last just as long as they need to and all is well. New job arrives and brings many blessings. The things they have learned cause a major course correction.

2015- A brand new year brings new chances to change lives. It also brought heartache as we said goodbye to Doggie, she did more than her fair share of highchair crumb patrol and feet warming, we miss her everyday (not just because of the floor pick up, although it was one of the perks). Happily, the student loan debt is slowly but surely disappearing. All 5 kids are healthy and happy and well. Boy loves his job and looks forward to each day. Girl is still in school but is picking up the pace, big time. She has also finally decided on a career direction, when she grows up she wants to help other families in financial crisis. Boy and girl are more in love today than all those years ago.

The Jordan River Temple
where this all began 12 years ago

Yesterday was our 12th anniversary. We celebrated with the usual Sunday fun (scriptures gone missing, a baby who needed a nap, dinner with family), it was pretty great. It's also not anything that I could have dreamed of way back when we first got married but it's better than I had hoped. I love that husband of mine, he really is my better half. Everything good and wonderful in my life has come because of his love and support. And that's the truth.

It's the little things

I had to write a short discussion post in response to an article in the Wall Street Journal. I feel so grownup with my WSJ subscription, never mind that it's only for this class and after the semester I'll cancel it and if I feel the urge to read it anytime after that I'll get it from the library, but for the next 2 months I'm a grownup!!

Wow, sorry about that, I get distracted sometimes. Like I was saying we were asked to pick 5 things from this article that resonated with our financial beliefs. Here are my takeaways. I also recommend that you read the article (you know, if you're a grownup and have a subscription), it has some good insights into financial behavior.

1. Keep it simple. History has shown that the most successful people are those that very simply diversify their investments. They don’t try to choose the most flashy and popular things, rather they look for things that have a proven track record. I invest my own portfolio in the same way with a simple mix of mutual funds. This is proving to be profitable.
2. Protect yourself from disaster. Soon after my husband and I were married we began purchasing term life insurance. We did not have any children at the time but we knew that if one of us were to go, it would leave the other with responsibilities that needed to be met. Since that time we have always carried insurance, gradually increasing the amount as we had more children and our other needs changed. Knowing that the other spouse would be able to carry on financially is a comforting feeling.
3. Make the most of what you have. A few years ago we were making very good money but somehow we were still late on payments and always scraping to get by. After a job loss and career change we are not quite back to where we were but we are always early to pay our bills, there is money in the bank for emergencies and we are making serious progress toward paying our debts. The difference is we are intentional with our money and we use it wisely. We know what’s important and it’s not stuff. The money that we have is to be used for the benefit of our family, not for momentary thrills.
4. Teach your children about money. Having 5 children means a lot of demands on my time. The list is always longer than the time I have and if I'm not careful I could spend all my time just dealing with the immediate needs. I need to be intentional about the way that we spend our time. I want my children to grow up to be successful, independent adults that I enjoy spending time with. A key to this is to teach them to be wise with their finances. We pay our children comission for work that they do around our home. They then divide this money into 3 categories; give, save and spend. They are learning that money comes from work and that there is great pride to be found in taking care of your own needs. That’s pretty amazing.
5. Share. This category of my financial plan is very personal and tied to my religious beliefs. I believe that God provides all that I have; health, money, peace, love, everything. In return He has asked that I give back a percentage of my increase. I do this because I believe in a loving God that blesses His children and only wants the best for them. I give because it’s a commandment but I receive so much more in return.

What's your favorite financial principle? Share in the comments, I'd love to know what works for you.

Saying Goodbye

After almost 12 years, lots of highchair scraps and dog hair everywhere we said goodbye to our Katie dog. Most of the time we just called her Doggie, that's why our kids never went through that stage where they call every dog their own dog's name (our nephew called all dogs Ottos, seriously adorable) instead they thought every dog was named Doggie.

Katie was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure last Tuesday. The vet told us she had 6 to 8 months left. Instead we got 6 days. On Monday morning she just couldn't breathe anymore, she was panting frantically and in so much pain. Greg and I made the painful decision to take her to the vet and end her life. The medicine that she was on just wasn't helping and she was miserable. We could tell that she was frightened and in pain.

Greg picked up the kids from school and gave them a chance to say goodbye. We cried and cried and then took her to the animal hospital. Greg carried her into that little room where we waited for the vet. I held her while they prepped her and then almost before we knew it she was gone. Finally she relaxed and she wasn't hurting anymore.

It's been heartbreaking. She was the best dog ever. So good to the kids, such a mellow animal. Just absolutely perfect. I've never considered myself a dog person and I'm still not a huge fan of them in general but Doggie, she was special. I keep looking over expecting to see her laying by my desk but there's just an empty spot where her blanket used to be.

You might wonder what this has to do with money and it doesn't. Except it kinda does. See never once during this process did we have to stop and figure out how to pay to care for our Katie dog. We have our little emergency fund so the thought of how to pay for all of this never crossed our minds. Instead we were able to take care of her, comfort the kids and know that even though our hearts are broken we're not worried about bounced checks or credit card bills.

That's why we're working so hard and budgeting so carefully. We want to be able to grieve and mourn and laugh and enjoy the moments that come our way rather than being burdened by debt. We are paying a really high price right now. Greg and I are both working very hard. We're budgeting every dollar that we get so that we have money for emergencies and so that we don't get behind on our bills. We're sacrificing like crazy right now so that the next time life happens how we're going to pay for the crisis isn't our first thought.

What Would You Do?

We need reader input. I'll tell you what happened and then you tell us, if these were your kids/ nieces and nephews/ random kids on the street how would you deal with this?

Grant charged Jennie $6 for 2 pieces of candy. Not even good candy, they were sour mints. The fact that it was lame candy isn't relevant, it's just funny (to us). She wanted the candy so she paid.

almost 2 years ago (so little!!)

We found out about this days after it had happened when we noticed that Grant had a serious stash of cash and Jennie was short. After interrogating the culprits we made Grant give $3 back and Jennie just had to forfeit the rest.

So tell us, were there any lessons we missed in this? Would you have handled it differently? Having 5 kids hasn't made us experts at hardly anything, it just means that we have lots of chances to mess up.

Rookie parenting for the win!!

Valentine's Day, our version

Alternate titles for this post could have been "Sometimes we put down our calculators" or "How to have fun with your family without going insane" or maybe "Valentine's Day: don't buy into the mass hysteria because you can show people you love them without spending a ton of money and it's a fake holiday anyways". But I felt like that last one might have been a little wordy...

Sure we love budgeting around here and squeezing all that we can out of our budget and thinking of every possible way to save/ make money (right now the kids are rooting for a garage sale) but we still like to have a good time. You know, in a budget friendly sort of way of course. We're also pretty big on family traditions. But they have to be the low key, no stress kind because my tolerance for mess and large projects is about nil. 

I also sort of hate the idea of a holiday where you are forced to buy crappy chocolate and overpriced flowers and spend 2 hours waiting in line to eat in a restaurant with a million other couples while you stare lovingly into your better half's eyes. Ya, I can do that any day and I don't need a stupid made up holiday to remind me how much I love my husband. Valentine's Scrooge? Perhaps.

But what I do love is my family. I like spending time with them and I like creating simple traditions. Greg found this idea a few years ago and we've made it our own. We call it Cupid's Cafe. We move the table into the living room and make it look fancy (no tablecloths though, toddlers + tablecloths= bad idea). We create a menu with 9 options but the names of the menu items don't give you any clue what you're ordering. Last year the menu items were names of Beanie Boos (and if you don't know what a Beanie Boo is then count yourself lucky). We have 3 rounds of ordering so the kids pick 3 things off of the menu and that's their first course. Of course because they don't know what they're ordering they end up with things like a napkin, a plate and dessert. Or pizza, a cup and the appetizer. It's pretty hilarious. One year Anna ordered a fork, a plate and a napkin for her first course. She laughed through the first round (and was really grateful to get some food on the second course).

I got smarter last year and let the kids make the menus (hence the Beanie Boos) and set the table. That meant that all we had to do was move the table, make the meal and of course Greg and I were the servers. The kids got the biggest kick out of ordering a Pugsley, a Nacho and a Waddles, the belly laughter is the best! It is the easiest celebration ever but it's something the kids look forward to all year long. Jennie is in charge of the menus this year and she's been working on them since before Christmas.

I also really like that we're teaching our kids that the best kind of love is found in your home with your family. I hope that as they grow and get into the teenage angst time of their lives that they will have these things to cling to, I hope they will remember that things and stuff and temporary relationships don't matter. Rather it's what's important; like your family and working towards a goal and loving the time that you have together.

PS- I do love some good dark chocolate and I'm a sucker for fresh flowers, I just don't want someone to buy them for me because some marketing campaign told them they have to. Of course if you want to just bring them over because you like me... well, I'll give you my address.

PPS- None of the pictures above have anything to do with this post, except of course that they are our children and we like them and it makes us happy when they are happy. Other than that, no relevance at all.

Starting Over Again

And again. And again. And one more time.... Okay, so this could go on forever. But I think you get my point. None of us are perfect, very rarely do we ever do something perfectly the first time and then keep hitting perfection each time.

Like my oldest daughter says "h space a space h space a" (10 year old sarcasm, heaven help us). Most of the time life is a series of high, low, high again, serious crash, repeat and repeat.

We started getting serious about getting out of debt way back in 2008. Nope you didn't read that wrong. We only had 3 kids, we were younger and we had less than half of the debt we're carrying now. So what happened between then and 2015? Why did we add a ton more to our load?

I already told you about grad school. We also made a couple more stupid choices along the way. So here we are again, we are blessed to have 5 kids and sadly, twice as much debt and we're following the same plan that we started on all those years ago.

What's different this time around? Why do we think it's going to work?

Well this time the kids are involved. When we started our oldest wasn't even in kindergarten and now we have 4 in elementary school. Greg and I talk about being in debt and the things that we're doing to get out of it. We've told them about the way that being in debt robs your freedom. Last week I drew a thermometer on construction paper. It's our debt tracker and it has numbers on each side. On the right is the total amount we have to pay back and on the left is the running total of what is done. It's pretty exciting to come into the kitchen and see them gathered around the paper seeing how much we have paid back.

One of the things that has made us so motivated is knowing that we have 5 kids headed on missions and to college in the not distant future. Somehow all of that has to be paid for and we don't want to be unable to help our children because we are still cleaning up our mistakes. That's a huge incentive.

I've shared with you how Greg and I are both committed to this plan but it bears repeating. We are on the same page. Totally. Sadly that hasn't always been true. After our fourth child was born in 2009 I just kinda went off the deep end. I lost touch with everything that mattered for a couple of years. That included our finances. Greg would try to encourage me to get back on track so that we could get rid of our debt but I wouldn't respond. We were making great money back then so technically this debt could be gone by now but because I was just barely surviving I couldn't do it. We lost those few years but now we're back. Everyone is mentally and physically healthy and we can devote our resources to this massive goal.

Am I certain that this time around is going to be different? Well, no. I occasionally worry but I'm not focused on the fear of failure. Instead we keep working and praying and talking about what we are doing. We're planning a celebration trip for when this debt is gone. The kids have decided where they want to go (Nashville, Disney World and a cruise, oh my) and Greg has printed out pictures of a cruise ship and a Disney World map for us to drool over. Every morning after family prayer we practice our debt free scream (WE'RE DEBT FREE!!!) and we just keep following our plan. I don't know what's coming next but I do know that we paid off one of our little debts just yesterday and man, that feels good.

Surviving Unemployment: Part One- The Kids

This is the first post in a series about our experience with unemployment. It was almost exactly a year ago (January 2, 2014) that Greg lost his job and we started a new chapter of our lives. It actually was the greatest experience of our lives, and I'm not just saying that after the fact. You know how people will look back and say "that was hard, but it wasn't that bad", they're probably forgetting the actual hell they went through. I wrote in my journal pretty regularly during that time so I'm not just remembering things through rose colored glasses. But on to the important stuff.

I didn't grow up in a financially secure home. I remember being scared and embarrassed and afraid that we were going to be without essentials and maybe even homeless. I worried a lot. There were so many unknowns. That doesn't mean that my parents weren't good people, they were and are really great, there were just a lot of challenges. So I know what it's like to be a scared child. When we found out that we were losing Greg's job I immediately knew that we had to be certain that our children felt secure. They needed to know that they were going to be cared for.

Here are a few of the things that we did to help our little ones (and ourselves) feel safe during a really uncertain time.

• Keep the kids informed. When I paid the mortgage I would tell them that the house was taken care of. We showed them the food in the fridge. I told them that the utilities were paid. We also told them that our family was cutting back so there wasn't room for extras in the budget. When they talked about wanting to go somewhere or do something that cost money we would say things like "we only have a small amount of money and it needs to go to food or utilities or...", that helped them to see that the choices we were making were important and that were weren't just trying to be mean.
• But not too informed. They didn't need to know how much was in our bank account (I could tell you to the penny) or exactly how many months we could have lived on our savings (5 months and 2 weeks). It was not important for our kids to know what the numbers were, only that they were being cared for.
• Do fun things together. It was really tempting to only focus on essentials but we felt that some things needed to continue to happen even though they didn't make exact financial sense. So we kept making chocolate chip cookies and sometimes we would go to the dollar store and let the kids pick out a treasure. We also went on adventures to the park and to the library (and anywhere else that was free). We didn't let the horror of being unemployed suck all of the fun out of our life.
• Tell them about the good things. We had a neighbor that took our Suburban to his shop to do safety and emissions but when he brought it back it had new tires, an oil change, a tune up, a full tank of gas, registration plus the safety and emissions. He also forgot to bring the bill home. We anonymously received a gift card in the mail with a very large balance. A friend handed me cash and walked away. Every time something like that would happen, we made sure to tell the kids. We constantly talked about how blessed we were.
• Be grateful. Greg and I were and still are very grateful for this change that was forced on us and we made sure to talk to the kids about all of the good things that were happening. We listed all of the good in our lives and we tried to focus on that instead of the fear.
• But let them be scared and then reassure them over and over that they will be cared for. Sometimes the uncertainty of it all would get to the kids (and us) and make them (and us) act out. There would be fits and tears and screaming. We tried really hard to stay calm and to let them be upset. We would then list all of the ways that they were being cared for. We told them that the bills were paid. We reminded them of family and friends that would care for us if we needed their help. We reviewed all of the good things that had happened. Sometimes just acknowledging the fear made it go away.

Greg and I are certain that it was Divine intervention that helped us help our children through a scary time. We are not naturally that smart, we had a lot of help and thankfully we were able to make a challenging time a very special period of our lives. That's pretty incredible no matter how you look at it.