Giving up but not giving in

so little!

by Kristen

In a fit of desperation I opened my Gospel Library app and looked for my conference talk bookmark (I usually listen to a talk or two while I'm getting ready for the day). So I found my bookmark and started listening.

But I guess I should give you some backstory first. Today has just been one of those days. Actually if I'm honest this week has been one for the record books. I've been walking around mildly ticked off at the world and trying not to lose it. There has been a constant battle between tears and yelling, both of which I try to avoid.

I was losing the battle this morning. The last straw was when my sweet little Maggie wanted to help vacuum.

"I help you". 

Yes, I know. These days are short and I won't have littles helping for much longer. I am all too aware of that. This time goes fast. Someone wiser than me said "our lives passed away like... a dream". I agree. 

But I still wanted to vacuum. 

I was desperate for calm so in a moment of Divine inspiration I turned to my app and started listening where I had left off. It was this talk by Boyd K. Packer. About the marriage relationship and families.

I should have added that I was also irked with my patient and kind husband. Why? I don't know. I think he looked at me wrong or something earth shattering like that.

The next talk in line was by Linda Burton, also about marriages and families. And that was when the tears really started to come. 

Thunderbolts wouldn't have been more dramatic, I get it!!

These days of raising children are hard. I am constantly on duty. I don't get a break and I don't get sick days. 

I am allowed to be overwhelmed sometimes. It's okay to feel that I'm just not enough. And sometimes I think it's even okay to not be thrilled to be around my family (occasionally, not all the time).

Because when this life is over I will know that most of the time I did a really good job and that there were even days when I was above average. I know that even when I don't feel like I'm good enough for this job, that I'm really doing okay. These hard days aren't the sum total of my existence, there just that: days, and usually not even days, most often it's measured in minutes and sometimes hours.

So here's a note to myself for the next time I feel like throwing in the towel and retreating to a cave: hold on. You're going to make it and you're doing a good job. Plus you can't give in, no one else makes cookies like you do, it's your gift!

Happy Friday!! Mathew and Heidi Debt Free Scream

by Kristen

Sometimes I think Greg and I have a ton of student loans and then I hear stories like this couple. $300 thousand. Ya, I didn't stutter. 300K.

They were/ are making serious cash but the amount of debt they had? That's serious too. So many times there are people that think that a student loan debt that large should be treated like a mortgage; pay the minimum and you'll get there eventually. Not these two, Matthew and Heidi, they weren't like that. They decided to get out of debt and move on with their life! No messing around for this couple.

So yes, when I look at our income versus our debt, I can see just how far in the hole we are. When I look at these two and their income versus their debt, I realize that they were in the same hole.

But here's the good news; THEY GOT OUT! They didn't mess around. They didn't try to do it differently. They followed a proven plan and it worked.

That sounds good to me.

Who made you the boss of me?

by Kristen

Why should you listen to me?

Well my kids (especially that cute one pictured above) ask that question and the answer to them is that I'm their mom and that's just the way life works.

Obviously that doesn't work for this space and you readers. You deserve more of an answer than "because I said so". You shouldn't ever follow any of my advice if it doesn't ring true to you.

I don't have degrees in finance (although I'm working on it) and I haven't been trained in child psychology or anything else child related (although, hello, I do live in a lab).

The only qualifications that I have are life experience and granted, I'm only 32 so my life experience isn't really that vast but it's also not non- existent (double negative!). I don't have lots of letters after my name and I don't have an overly dramatic story to tell.

But Greg and I are here in the trenches, we're in the middle of student loan debt and raising 5 kids and keeping a marriage strong. We've learned a few things and we want to share. I learn so much from other people's stories so I thought that by creating this space where Greg and I are real and open and honest, that maybe it will help you.

Of course that does open our life and our choices to criticism. But that's okay with us. Greg and I know that what we're doing is right for OUR life and OUR family. We have felt that this is the right thing for us to do and we'll keep doing it as long as we feel we need.

Don't do something that we suggest if it doesn't feel right and don't share if it's not something that you agree with.

But if it does feel right than we're glad we can help and if you do feel like sharing, thank you.

This Is Water

by Greg

This video is a classic, absolutely makes you think. 

We go through our lives each day and do our routine. We drive the same way to and from work. We sit in the same seats at church and in the lunch room. We eat the same food, watch the same shows and do the same things every weekend. 

We get frustrated if things do not go our way or if our routine is broken. I get frustrated with the ones I love the most. Sometimes I don't think about others and the things they are going through in life. I forget that it's not all about me. It happens to all of us.

I need to step out of my routines and try new things. I need to serve others more. I need to live the golden rule.  I do not know what others are going through, they could have unimaginable struggles. I need to step outside myself and give people the benefit of the doubt.

I am grateful that we have a lifetime to work on our issues, deficiencies and problems. We get to choose how we react to situations. I am grateful we have a Savior that helps make up the difference. I try to follow his example and be more like Jesus Christ, the one perfect example. Sometimes I'm more successful than others but I keep trying. 

I don't need to set lofty goals, I just need to try a little harder to be a little better and it will work out.

   

Wake up!

I was reading my beloved Wall Street Journal today at lunch (leftover scrambled eggs and potato salad, weird but yum) when I saw this heartbreaking poll.

Like I wanted to cry.

Nest- Egg Numbers: how much surveyed workers 55 and older said they have in savings and investments.

Less than $1000        21%

$1,000- $9,999           11%

$10,000-$24,999        11%

$25,000-$49,999         9%

$50,000-$99,999         9%

$100,000-$249,999    14%

$250,000 or more      25%

Guys. This is so sad. We work our whole lives and we look toward retirement as our reward for a lifetime spent caring for and providing for our families. Then to see that 75% of people have less than $250,000? That's just horrible. And while 250K sounds like a lot of money right now, just try living on it for 30 years. It's not going to go far.

This has to stop. Don't think that you're just magically going to be okay when you retire because you're a good person or because you've worked hard. You are those things and more but it doesn't work that way. You have to be smart and you have to be intentional with your money.

Get out of debt.

Stay out of debt.

Have a plan.

And SAVE something! Let interest be your friend, let it work for you for a change. Once you're out of debt start putting just a little bit aside each month. Before you know it, magical compound interest is going to take over and you won't be one of the 21% with less than $1,000 to your name.

Be smart. That's pretty easy, right?

Oh and if you're one of those who is over 55 and aren't where you want to be, don't give up. As long as you're still breathing there's time to change. You are going to have to be extra diligent but I'm certain you can make it.

Creating Problems

Our internet was down for almost 24 hours. I walked around sort of lost and not sure what to do.

I couldn't post here (I like writing these posts).

I couldn't check my bank account (that makes me nervous).

I couldn't check social media (probably a good thing).

I couldn't work on a project I've been creating (that was the worst of all).

I felt like everything I wanted to do was in some way connected to the www.

Thank goodness school is out for the semester or I'd be in serious trouble.

That's ridiculous of course. I have a mile long list of things I've been wanting to do.

And there's always the house and yard work that I try to ignore.

There's an old rhyme that goes:

Don't you worry little luxury.
Don't you cry.
You'll be a necessity by and by.

Cell phones. The internet. Multiple computers and devices.

All of these things and more were a symbol of wealth and status just a few years ago. Now they're considered essential. I'd be hard pressed to function without them.

I'm not sure what that says about me or about our society. There's probably a deeper meaning hiding in there somewhere but I'm not going to dig it out. At least not today.

Right now I'm going to ask myself if I'm a bit too dependent on some things.

Perhaps it's time to cut the cord, or at least set some limits.

Different Hats

Disclaimer: I'm constantly learning how to live life. I don't ever claim to have all the answers! This is what's worked for me, you are probably different. And that's OK!!

I often get asked how I fit college into my life. People wonder how I take care of my family and work and go to school and still take naps. I answer with the flippant answer "that's a good question, I don't know!"

But even though it's hard for me to give serious answers, I do have a few tricks of the school/ family trade.

1. PLAN. Everything. Don't leave anything to chance. I have a planner from iheart organizing that I live by. It has our menu, everything I need to do and what I am expecting to get done during the week. It's even possible that I schedule naps for myself but I'll never tell. I plan out the next week on Sunday nights so that I know exactly what's on tap. I also use my trusty sticky notes to write down everything that is due in the coming week, I number each assignment in order of priority. That goes on my desk and as I complete an assignment I cross it off. That gives me an idea of where I need to be at each day of the week, that way I don't have the weekend rush trying to get everything done.
2. ELIMINATE. During the school year I don't (usually) do projects besides those related to school. I love home fix up and sewing and all those other time consuming projects but they aren't a priority during the school year. I also don't let myself read much of anything besides textbooks and my scriptures. I'm too easily distracted so if I don't even start than I'm better off. 
3. DELEGATE. The kids take care of most of the housework. I don't empty the dishwasher or dust. I don't take the garbage out and I certainly don't clean the kid's rooms. Yes that does mean that jobs don't always get done the way that I would like but I'm teaching my kids to be productive members of this family. That means that they take ownership for their zones and I don't follow behind touching up. I do know that there are some messes that I can't deal with so I do the vacuuming, sweeping, mopping and cleaning the bathrooms. I have a super quick routine that takes maybe 20 minutes 2 or 3 times a week. I won't win awards for the cleanest house but that's not really my goal.
4. ASK FOR HELP. On Saturday mornings my better half takes the kids and they go do something (anything really, just as long as it's not at the house) while I catch up on homework or take a nap. That's a chance for me to recharge and get ready for the next week. I look forward to that time alone. 
5. SAY NO. It kills me to say no but I can't do it all. I try to focus on the things that only I can do. I am a wife and a mother first, student second. Everything else can and will be done by someone else. And if you have known me for any length of time you'll know how hard that is for me to say!
6. DIVINE INTERVENTION. I can't do any of what I do without help from God. I constantly pray to do what needs to be done. He always amazes me with His perfect answers.

And of course there are days when everything falls apart and it's all I can do to make it to bedtime. That's when I try to remember that this is the busy season of my life and I'm okay with that. Occasionally I feel like I'm running around with no purpose but when I look back at what I'm doing I'm sort of blown away. I don't say that to brag but because I think that we're all like that. We are all doing amazing things and we don't even realize the greatness. 

Taking Sides

Fun fact: during the recent election for Prime Minister over across the pond, British citizens complained about how long the campaigns went on. Do you know how long that was? How long were the candidates battling for votes? What made the Brits crazy? Oh, about 12 weeks of political campaigning. No, you didn't read that wrong, 12 weeks. For a major campaign. Does that blow your mind?

Here in the US, word on the street is that there is a presidential campaign happening in 2016. That's not this November, it's the one after. Possible candidates and issues and big time money are already being thrown around. People are beginning to predict who will be our next president and what problems they will have to overcome. This is for an election that won't take place for more than a year.

That makes me crazy but here's what I hate more than endless campaigns; the idea that somehow politicians don't have to follow the same rules as the people they represent. Somehow they think that they are above the law.

You and I have to balance our budgets. We're not allowed to rack up debt and then not pay it for years and years. We have an amount that we have to work with each month and if there's not enough then we have to make cuts or pay some pretty serious consequences.

You and I have to make tough choices. Sometimes there are things that we would like to do for our children but IT'S NOT IN THE BUDGET so we have to say no. It doesn't matter how much they complain and cry, if there's no money it doesn't happen.

You and I live by basic standards of goodness and morality. Why don't the people that represent us follow those same rules? Why do they get to cheat and lie and steal and benefit from people that have worked hard? If you or I tried to do that we'd get thrown in serious trouble.

You and I have to get along with our neighbors even if we don't like them* or don't agree with their ideas. If we were to label someone based on their beliefs or their appearance then we'd be labeled prejudiced (with good reason) but if you're in politics you can do that and call it division of the parties. If our kids are fighting they get privileges taken away, sadly I don't think there is a timeout chair in Congress...

Of course I don't think that all politicians are bad, there are some very good men and women that are in politics but sadly they seem to be the minority.

I don't know how to fix all of the problems that face our good and great nation but I would think that if those that were running this country were held to the same standards we demand for ourselves and our children, wouldn't we all be better off?

Political parties and divisions don't matter, what is important is morality, decency and basic fiscal sense. We need to expect that the people that represent us actually do represent our values and our expectations. That's not too much to ask, right?

*I actually adore all of my neighbors, we seriously hit the jackpot when we moved here!

Hmmm...

I am not always the best husband and father in the world. Sometimes the kids make me crazy so I yell and get frustrated. Sometimes I make Kristen crazy when I say things or don't do something. I want to be a better husband and father but life happens sometimes. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone either, I think we've all felt like we're doing the best we can and it's just not good enough.

Why does this happen, especially to generally good people who are trying hard to be the best they can? I think it's a lot of things. I know sometimes when I am hungry I am a little uptight and can be more snarky. I might be thinking about something and Kristen or the kids ask a question and I answer without paying attention. It could be what type of mood I'm in right that second. Or it could be Christmas day and the kids are running around and jumping on things from the massive sugar intake. Dealing with the sugar/ activity crash requires serious patience. Those are a few of the things that affect my well being, I know for sure there are a lot of things that affect my state of mind.

But here's what I do know: no matter how deep a hole we are in because of something said or not done, no matter how insane the kids are, basically no matter what, there's hope. I feel that as long as I am trying to do my best and striving to serve those around me, things seem to work out. That is of course as long as we don't stop trying.

We do have to recognize when we did something wrong. We do have to make an effort to correct the problem. If we do those things along with caring about the people around us and trying to serve them. That's when I think we overcome our challenges. That's when we win at life and at our marriages and our families.

It is the same with our finances. Sometimes we get distracted and forget to budget. Other times we feel like we deserve something so we purchase it. I am hungry so I can’t wait five minutes until I get home to make a sandwich. Things happen and life happens. Sometimes it can turn into a big hairy mess (our story) but it's never beyond hope, I have a sure knowledge of that.

If we at least start and if we try to make a budget and pay things off it works out. When we do the best we can with the money God gives us it is certain to work out. Kristen and I have made such tremendous strides this past year and a half. We have paid off so many debts. All because we decided to not let our past mistakes define our future. I know it works. I know it will work for you. Let me throw in a rodeo analogy here; take that leap of faith, grab your financial steer by the horns and wrestle it to the ground!

Cross this off your to- do list, immediately!

Someone, somewhere came up with this great idea to teach Cub Scouts basic carpentry and friendly competition. They innocently thought that the boys would make their own cars and that they would be good sports about the race. These great, wise people called it the Pinewood Derby (click for a description) and moms have been cursing their names ever since.

See the problem with the Pinewood Derby is the organizers forgot to factor in the fathers. They didn't realize that there were fathers that would take this competition to the extreme. No one could have seen the monsters lurking inside of every Pinewood Derby dad's hearts. Okay, so not every dad goes crazy. This is obviously a gross generalization but the point is that somewhere along the way dads (and some moms) forgot that this is supposed to be a Cub Scout led project. Parents are just supposed to offer guidance and instruction. This was supposed to be a time for parents to work on a project with their young boys, not a chance for dads to take over.

At our oldest boy's first Pinewood Derby there was a father who wouldn't even let his son touch the car. Obviously this was not a car that the boy had any part in creating. So sad. I've also heard of fathers that have yelled at their boys for losing, have thrown tantrums because someone else won and have generally acted like overtired toddlers.

And don't just think that this is isolated to the Derby, nope, I see it at school when the kids have large projects due. Some are certainly created by parents. I have seen leprechaun traps that are supposed to be made by kindergarteners but instead are Pinterest inspired and professionally assembled. Really? Is this how it's supposed to be? Do we really want to teach our children that their best efforts aren't good enough and that they need an adult to swoop in and take over? Do we want to teach them that following the rules is optional? On the instruction sheets that were handed out before the Pinewood Derby it was very clearly stated that this was to be a Cub Scout led project. So if dad (or some other adult) takes over than we show our kids that it's okay to ignore the rules.

Parents, let's stop this. Taking over our kid's projects creates more work for us, it hurts our children's self- esteem and it makes it frustrating for the kids that do follow the rules. Give yourself a break and let your kids do their own work, they'll probably make a mess and they certainly make mistakes but isn't that what childhood is all about? They'll be okay, I promise.

Happy Friday!! ~Clay's Debt Free Journey

I heard this inspiring story the other day from a man named Clay. No matter how down you are in this life you can get out of it and get back on your feet. This amazing man made restitution to those that he had stolen from. I feel that if we try to forgive others and ourselves, we are well on our way to a great life. I could feel the emotional release when he screamed, it was like we were all there cheering him on. 

I hope we remember that when we get discouraged in whatever we are facing that we fill our minds with positive things. One thing he did to help him was to think of his kids. That inspired him to do the right thing and turn his life around. If we remember the good things in life it is harder to drag us down. Focus on the good and try to repay the bad.

At the end of the day the grace of God is what makes the difference. Clay is an inspiration and an example of what it means for a man's heart to be changed. Pretty amazing.

Here's another video that gives us a better look at Clay's story and some of the things that he did to completely and totally turn his life around. This is one of the good ones.

5 Words

The kids hear them all the time.

I start to say it and they can finish my sentence.

It's pretty much my go to answer for oh, everything.

It's. Not. In. The. Budget.

In fact, I don't even have to say "it's not in the budget" anymore, I just say "5 words" and they get it.

Here's the crazy thing, there's really not that much whining or complaining. No, they're not robot kids but they understand that you have to plan for things. Life doesn't get to just happen while you run around reacting.

Greg and I evaluate and adjust our budget every couple of weeks. When we have those budget planning meetings we look at the calendar and plan for things that are coming. We plan for activities, we plan for family outings, plus all of the regular things that come up like fees and doctor's visits. Everything is planned for and as near as possible we plan for life, well, happening. Sometimes things will come up and we will make adjustments (always talking to each other first) but usually when the kids are asking for something it's along the lines of Dunford Donuts (try some, you will die) or a museum trip. Those are things that can be planned for but unless it's in the budget it ain't happening!

We're under a big ol' pile of debt and we're doing everything that we can to dig our way out. We've cut back. We're working crazy hours. We're praying constantly for a way out of this mess. We also budget very carefully and once we have budgeted we live by that plan. It's our guide for a way out of this disaster!

So when kids (and adults) start asking for stuff around here the answer is simple.

5 words.

*And yes, the picture that accompanies this post is misleading, it's not about donuts but really can you go wrong with a Chocolate Chocolate Donut? Nope, didn't think so!

Body Shaming, Ballet and Bicep Curls

Here's one of the great paradoxes of life: I want my children to grow up with healthy body images but I also want to lose the last of my extra (can't call it baby because it was there long before) weight. Can I still work on creating a healthy body but still teach that people are beautiful no matter their shape and size?

I have friends that suffer from poor self esteem and have an awful perception of their bodies because they grew up in homes that were obsessed with image and body size.

I'm doing all I can to NOT have that in our home!

But I am also dedicated to exercise and am always trying to develop healthier habits. 

Does that make me obsessed? Does that give my kids an unrealistic view of what health is? Do they think that they won't be good enough unless they do those things?

So far I've lost about 25 pounds and I sort of cringe a little when people say something. Not because I don't want people to notice, believe me, I love the compliments! I just worry when my children hear people say things like "you look so great", I wonder if they think that I didn't look good before and that maybe the only way to look good is to be thin. I wonder.

Am I worrying about something that isn't even worth worrying about? I am really careful to never talk about dieting, I only talk about healthy eating and how food makes my body feel. I talk about how strong I feel from lifting weights and how good it feels to run. We never shame our bodies or anyone else's! We also don't use descriptors like fat, thin, big, small, etc. So I feel like we're on the right track. 

I guess I just worry. Two of my girls are in ballet and we all know that the dance world is littered with eating disorders. I hope that they are seeing healthy habits modeled and that they understand that their worth is not dependent on their waist size or by what they weigh. And no, I don't think men are immune to eating disorders and to challenges realted to body image. I am just as careful around them.

I love the body I've been blessed with. It's done some pretty amazing things and I'm in awe of the majesty of the human body. It is without a doubt evidence of a Divine Creator. I am also trying to make it into the best possible version of myself, a version that isn't influenced by a photo shopped image, rather one that feels the very best.

I just hope that in my effort to create my best self that I am not hurting my children. Does that make sense?

Stupid Cliches

I consider myself a pretty calm parent. Usually.

But today (or yesterday by the time you read this)... oh my word. Whining. Complaining. Crying. Everything I hate. And that's just from me, let's not even talk about the kids!

I don't know what it is, probably a combination of things.

The school semester is almost over so I'm pushing to get everything done.

I've had a cold for the last few days, you know the kind where you're not really sick you're more achy and miserable but still able to function? That kind.

The kids are getting restless for summer vacation. I'm trying not to dread summer vacation (I love my kids really, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared this year).

I've completely slacked off on some volunteer positions that I hold, so of course I feel guilty.

Depressing, all of that. Insert pity party here. The point is that I'm not operating at 100% and I think the kids are picking up on that. Actually I don't think, I know they are. You know that stupid saying about momma being happy? Ya, that one. Well as guardian of the hearth my family's happiness is affected by my own happiness.

I hate feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and just stretched. It's not who I want to be.

So what do I do? Suggestions? Thoughts? I'm pretty sure running away isn't an option and neither is outsourcing the care and feeding of my offspring. How do you manage times like this?

And yes, I know it's annoying to end a post with a question but I'm serious, how do you keep your sanity and find the fun in everyday life? Because today I'm totally not feeling it.

It's over baby!

You know those people that are always negative and drag you down? Sometimes things are like that too. One of my "friends" has been like that for a little over a decade. At first it seemed like a good relationship. There were rewards and shiny things. I was surprised how quickly that thrill left. Now I feel exhausted after having to deal with them, I can't stand them. I figured out that I AM TIRED OF IT!! 

We finally got the courage and started to distance ourselves from them a few years ago. We still hear from them occasionally and they are still the same: negative, taking, and cold. In a few weeks Kristen and I will finally, after so many years, get to say “We're done Visa, it's over!”. No more of them taking from us, no more dealing with the stress of being a slave to that lender (Proverbs 22:7). This breakup is long overdue.

Don't mess around with credit cards. As smart as you are (hello, you're reading this blog) you're not smarter than the multi- billion dollar credit card industry. Why would they promote a product that would allow you to cheat their system? They wouldn't. It wouldn't make fiscal sense for them. They look shiny and neat and easy to use when in fact they are not user friendly at all! Here's what I mean.

Many years ago, Indian youths would go away in solitude to prepare for manhood. One such youth hiked into a beautiful valley. There he fasted, and on the third day he decided to test himself against the mountain. He put on his buffalo-hide shirt, threw his blanket over his shoulders, and set off to climb the peak.

When he reached the top, he could see forever, and his heart swelled with joy. Then he heard a rustle at his feet. Looking down, he saw a snake. Before he could move, the snake spoke: “I am about to die. It is too cold for me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food, and I am starving. Put me under your shirt and take me down to the valley.”

“Oh, no,” said the youth. “I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. If I pick you up, you will bite me, and I will die.”

“Not so,” said the snake. “I will treat you differently. If you do this for me, you will be special. I will not harm you.”

The youth withstood for a while, but this was a very persuasive snake with beautiful markings. At last the youth tucked it under his shirt and carried it down to the valley. There he laid it gently on the grass. Suddenly, the snake coiled, rattled, and struck, biting him on the leg. 

“But you promised—” cried the youth. 

“You knew what I was when you picked me up,” said the snake as it slithered away.

A credit card is not your friend! A credit card is not your emergency fund! A credit card is not good for building credit! The card will bite you if you use it and you will be bitten over and over again. I have several friends that say they use the card and pay it off every month, then they always seem to add the caveat "but we got a little carried away the past few months". Now they owe the money and interest on top of it. 

Interest yields neither to entreaties, demands, or orders; and whenever you get in its way or cross its course or fail to meet its demands, it crushes you. (J. Reuben Clark in Conference Report, Apr., 1938, p. 103). 

Friends, it is not a good plan to play with venomous snakes. It is also not a good financial plan to play with credit cards, they will bite you! 

Regrets

I was driving down the road the other day thinking about houses and debt and time. I did some quick math in my head* and figured that if we had just paid a few hundred dollars extra on our mortgage payment every month, we would have a paid for house.

Crazy.

We've been here in this perfectly perfect house for 10 years. Those few extra dollars would have made such a huge difference. To be 32 and 37 with 5 little kids and a paid for house... that's almost unbelievable.

We had that money every month but instead of being able to save it or put it toward the house we were spending it on who knows what.

Actually I do know, we were blowing it on stupid stuff or making Visa payments or sending it to the student loan companies. To think about it that way just makes me sick.

If we had been focused we could be out of debt.

If we had been smart we could have payed cash for Greg's education.

If we were determined we would have college funds for all our children.

But we weren't focused or smart or determined, instead we were just living what felt like a normal life. We didn't know there were other options. And that sucks. Sometimes I feel so frustrated and disgusted with the choices we made, it just makes me want to scream!

But then I take a deep breath and I vow to not have the same regrets in 10 more years. We're not perfect now and we haven't learned everything but we know a whole lot more than we used to.

I'm done with regrets, what's done is done and the only thing I can do is move on. We're working on getting out of debt and once we're out we're never coming back. Being obligated to some finance company somewhere isn't how I want to live my life. I'm over that!

*I ran the numbers when I got home and I was right; $400 a month would have given us the deed to our house. 

It's the little things

I had to write a short discussion post in response to an article in the Wall Street Journal. I feel so grownup with my WSJ subscription, never mind that it's only for this class and after the semester I'll cancel it and if I feel the urge to read it anytime after that I'll get it from the library, but for the next 2 months I'm a grownup!!

Wow, sorry about that, I get distracted sometimes. Like I was saying we were asked to pick 5 things from this article that resonated with our financial beliefs. Here are my takeaways. I also recommend that you read the article (you know, if you're a grownup and have a subscription), it has some good insights into financial behavior.

1. Keep it simple. History has shown that the most successful people are those that very simply diversify their investments. They don’t try to choose the most flashy and popular things, rather they look for things that have a proven track record. I invest my own portfolio in the same way with a simple mix of mutual funds. This is proving to be profitable.
2. Protect yourself from disaster. Soon after my husband and I were married we began purchasing term life insurance. We did not have any children at the time but we knew that if one of us were to go, it would leave the other with responsibilities that needed to be met. Since that time we have always carried insurance, gradually increasing the amount as we had more children and our other needs changed. Knowing that the other spouse would be able to carry on financially is a comforting feeling.
3. Make the most of what you have. A few years ago we were making very good money but somehow we were still late on payments and always scraping to get by. After a job loss and career change we are not quite back to where we were but we are always early to pay our bills, there is money in the bank for emergencies and we are making serious progress toward paying our debts. The difference is we are intentional with our money and we use it wisely. We know what’s important and it’s not stuff. The money that we have is to be used for the benefit of our family, not for momentary thrills.
4. Teach your children about money. Having 5 children means a lot of demands on my time. The list is always longer than the time I have and if I'm not careful I could spend all my time just dealing with the immediate needs. I need to be intentional about the way that we spend our time. I want my children to grow up to be successful, independent adults that I enjoy spending time with. A key to this is to teach them to be wise with their finances. We pay our children comission for work that they do around our home. They then divide this money into 3 categories; give, save and spend. They are learning that money comes from work and that there is great pride to be found in taking care of your own needs. That’s pretty amazing.
5. Share. This category of my financial plan is very personal and tied to my religious beliefs. I believe that God provides all that I have; health, money, peace, love, everything. In return He has asked that I give back a percentage of my increase. I do this because I believe in a loving God that blesses His children and only wants the best for them. I give because it’s a commandment but I receive so much more in return.

What's your favorite financial principle? Share in the comments, I'd love to know what works for you.

Saying Goodbye

After almost 12 years, lots of highchair scraps and dog hair everywhere we said goodbye to our Katie dog. Most of the time we just called her Doggie, that's why our kids never went through that stage where they call every dog their own dog's name (our nephew called all dogs Ottos, seriously adorable) instead they thought every dog was named Doggie.

Katie was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure last Tuesday. The vet told us she had 6 to 8 months left. Instead we got 6 days. On Monday morning she just couldn't breathe anymore, she was panting frantically and in so much pain. Greg and I made the painful decision to take her to the vet and end her life. The medicine that she was on just wasn't helping and she was miserable. We could tell that she was frightened and in pain.

Greg picked up the kids from school and gave them a chance to say goodbye. We cried and cried and then took her to the animal hospital. Greg carried her into that little room where we waited for the vet. I held her while they prepped her and then almost before we knew it she was gone. Finally she relaxed and she wasn't hurting anymore.

It's been heartbreaking. She was the best dog ever. So good to the kids, such a mellow animal. Just absolutely perfect. I've never considered myself a dog person and I'm still not a huge fan of them in general but Doggie, she was special. I keep looking over expecting to see her laying by my desk but there's just an empty spot where her blanket used to be.

You might wonder what this has to do with money and it doesn't. Except it kinda does. See never once during this process did we have to stop and figure out how to pay to care for our Katie dog. We have our little emergency fund so the thought of how to pay for all of this never crossed our minds. Instead we were able to take care of her, comfort the kids and know that even though our hearts are broken we're not worried about bounced checks or credit card bills.

That's why we're working so hard and budgeting so carefully. We want to be able to grieve and mourn and laugh and enjoy the moments that come our way rather than being burdened by debt. We are paying a really high price right now. Greg and I are both working very hard. We're budgeting every dollar that we get so that we have money for emergencies and so that we don't get behind on our bills. We're sacrificing like crazy right now so that the next time life happens how we're going to pay for the crisis isn't our first thought.

Give a little, get back a TON!

Give money away so that you can keep more in the end.

Sounds like a paradox to me. Or a crazy tax law.

Greg and I (in our debt elimination stage of life) faithfully donate the first 10% of our income to the church that we attend. We've done that since we started earning money long before we were even married. It's never been a question, we pay our tithing first and that's just what we do.

Now does that mean it's easy? Some people will tell you that it's not difficult and it sort of isn't all that hard but when you're counting every penny it can still be difficult to give that money away and to expect nothing in return. Except here's the funny thing, we've received more than we ever gave away. No, we don't get a check at the end of every year reimbursing us for the tithing that we paid. I don't mean that kind of benefit. There have been more intangible things.

Like healthy babies. And kids that have stayed healthy. Greg worked 2 jobs and went to school AND got really good grades. I've had 5 children and stayed (mostly) sane. Our marriage is strong, we actually like each other. Our faith and our belief is rock solid. Our debt is going away and somehow we keep finding extra money to throw at this beast.

I wrote the first draft of this post on Tuesday night and then Wednesday morning something crazy happened. The fuel pump in the Suburban went out, dead. Like side of the road, call a tow truck dead. But are you ready for the amazing part? It happened after I had been to work, after I had dropped the kids off at school and on the side of the road. It wasn't while I was rushing to get somewhere, it wasn't in the middle of an intersection, it actually was right by the school during the morning drop off rush. That meant that as I was sitting on the side of the road trying to figure out what to do I started to get phone calls and texts asking if I was okay. A friend stopped and picked up Maggie and me, she even happened to have an extra car seat. Coincidence? Nope. The mechanic gave me the grand total and by a weird series of events we had just that much extra sitting in our checking account. That NEVER happens.

I credit all of this to divine intervention*.

See all of the money that comes through our hands, that's not really our money. It's God's and He is letting Greg and I be stewards of a little part of what He has. All that He asks it that we pay 10% back to Him and then the 90% that is left is our responsibility to manage wisely. When we pay our tithing we are saying to Him that we trust that He will help us to make up the difference. Somehow we have been able to do more with the 90% that is left then we could have if just left to ourselves.

I don't understand God's math but I understand that He loves me. I know that He blesses my efforts when I try to follow His word. I know that He rewards His profitable servants.

So yes, tithing is our first obligation but the funny thing is that it's not really an obligation, it's more like an investment with a crazy rate of return. That sounds like a good plan to me.

PS- I hold my beliefs very dear and I also respect your right to believe the way you choose. If you disagree that's okay but please be respectful.

*Sometimes awful things happen to really good people who do all the right things, I don't understand that part of God's plan. But I do know one thing, God knows His plan and He loves each of His children. When I get to heaven I am going to ask why heartache has to happen but until then I know that my Savior came to earth and died so that all of that heartache, well, it's gone. He takes care of that.

The B Word

You know, the one. The one that you hear people say and you scream and cover your ears. That one.

I'll whisper it to you.

Budget.

I hated doing the budget. First of all, I had to do it by myself and there was never enough money to make everyone happy. I figured that life would just be easier if I just paid everything and then hoped for the best.

You can imagine how that worked out.

I also hated feeling controlled. Doing the budget meant that I wouldn't be able to go to the store and just spend money. It meant that there wasn't any money to just blow. I preferred the spend what you want first, then try to pay the bills, then move money that supposed to stay in the emergency fund to cover things like the mortgage when you're in a crisis. At least I got what I wanted before I had to face reality.

Pretty grown up, I know.

It's scary to see what your finances look like in black and white but here's the crazy thing, it's usually not as bad as you think it is. You know when your kid won't eat dinner because they're like "it's yucky" and you know that if they just tried it they would like it? Doing a budget is the same thing, we always imagine it to be more painful then it is. But I couldn't figure that out, oblivion was a better plan.

So is hoping someone else will take care of things but I'm pretty sure that's not a solid plan.

But fortunately life threw us a few fastballs and it knocked some sense into us. Now I'm a budget nerd. I check our written plan several times a week and right now I could tell you exactly how much money is in which account. Like I said, Nerd.

So what changed? I didn't get a brain transplant and my personality didn't change but I finally realized that all the experts were right. Having a written plan means that you have more money to spend, not less. It takes away the stress and the worry. It makes money fun again.

It took us a few months to really get the hang of things, we (meaning Greg and I working together) made our original plan and then adjusted categories as we went along. At first our grocery budget was pulling a Goldilocks, too high, then too low and now, just right. We tried to be crazy conservative and didn't budget any money to blow and that didn't work, one or both of us would start feeling a little twitchy and the next thing you knew our plan was out of whack again. So we began to budget blow money, that's money that we each get and we don't have to be accountable for, it's just ours to well, blow.

We're Financial Peace University grads and we think that the FPU budgeting forms are the easiest to use but it really doesn't matter what you use as long as you spend every dollar on paper that you make BEFORE you do any real spending. If you have given every dollar a place to go, you'll suddenly realize that you have more than you imagined.

Don't forget, if you have something you'd like us to address we'd love to hear from you. You can comment below or send us an email.