Some Family's Slideshow!

by Kristen

One of the requests for our family reunion was to put together a video of your family, you know, a "show off the awesome stuff you do" kinda video. I was afraid the people in charge* would stake me out and leave me for the bears so a couple nights before the kids and I left, Greg and I chained ourselves to the computer and dug through digital clutter to find a few gems.

We were mostly successful. Enjoy!!

*my family's actually not that scary... usually

Song Credit: It Passes All My Understanding by Cherie Call

Sharing is caring

by Kristen

Anna: "You know how people always share (she used air quotes around share) their music with the people that are driving next to them?"

Me: "Kind of them isn't it?"

Anna: "It would be funny if we rolled all of our windows down and turned up our music really loud, you know, to return the favor."

Me: "You mean the classical music we're listening to right now?"

Nathan: "Everyone would say 'ahh, so peaceful'."

Anna: "Or they would say 'what the heck, what are those people listening to?!"

Yes, it's true, we do listen to classical music in the car. Here's why:

• no questionable lyrics that you have to explain to your kids, that can get awkward
• it takes the backseat fighting down a titch, only a small titch but when you're chauffeur to unreasonable short people you take all you can get
• it makes me feel like a super parent, like maybe someday they'll look back and say that all the hours that their mom made them listen to various composers while they were trapped, was what made them become brilliant doctors and compassionate leaders...

A girl can dream.

Lame, just absolutely lame.

True confession time.

I've never been to the ocean, never even seen it in real life. I've told some of you that fun fact and you always laugh and say how deprived I am.

And you're right. But there's more to the story. Now you get to see just how pathetic I really am.

Twelve years ago (actually a little more if you count dating and all that jazz) Greg and I fell in love and got married. All of our extended family was there on a cold April day in Utah. I think there was even snow. There was definitely wind. And no sunshine. Basically a dream outdoor photography situation. Except not.

Sidetracked. Like I was saying, after the cake and the presents and the congratulations we flew off to Disneyland. I had never been and Greg hadn't been since he was little. It sounded like the perfect honeymoon.

It was. Except for the part where we didn't explore any of the amazing things that Southern California has to offer. Like oh, I don't know, THE BEACH! We didn't go to Hollywood, we didn't see a ball game, we didn't even swim in the hotel pool. Let's not even talk about all of the rides we didn't go on because the lines were too long.

So pathetic.

We went to the park. Wandered around. Ate at IHOP (full body shudder) and that was about it.

We didn't have a rental car so we figured that we were stuck on foot. Never mind that hotels have millions of little pamphlets telling you all about the cool things to do in the area and how to get there.

Our honeymoon wasn't all awful (except for the cold Greg caught somewhere and then shared with his new wife), it was pretty great to be finally married to someone I loved more than anyone. That part was awesome.

I'd like to go back in time and tell my 20 year old self "hey dorkus, explore. Ride a city bus. Have fun while you're here because in a just a few years you're going to have a pack of kids and it will take you 20 minutes just to get everyone in the car and you'll have a lot of fun once you get to where ever it is you're going but it's a lot easier to get around right now while you're dealing with people that have mastered fine motor skills. Oh and one more thing, cut up your credit card. Right now, I'm waiting..."

Halfway there!

It's Day 15 of my Whole 30 and I haven't died.

Which is sort of, but not really surprising because for 15 days I've been eating omelets, roast beef, nuts, mangos, berries, homemade mayonnaise, frozen bananas and my body weight in salads. Plus a bunch of other really good stuff but without any sugar, honey, grains, beans or dairy.

This is the longest I've ever stuck to an eating plan. I've beat my old record by 14 1/2 days. Yes, that is a true statement. Why has this one been so easy?

Well I think it helped that I told all of you guys what I was doing. I didn't want to look like (more of) a loser by failing right away so that kept me going. But really, it hasn't been that hard. Sometimes I'll get a little cranky because I want something off plan, like yesterday when 2 of my friends were talking about waffles and breakfast burritos. I sort of wanted to cry and punch them all at the same time. I took a few deep breaths and was okay.

My family knows what I'm doing and they've been really supportive. Especially my better half. Greg keeps saying that it's not a diet I'm on, it's a reset. I love that. I don't want my kids to think that I'm trying to get skinny, I make sure to always tell them that I'm just trying to figure out how food makes me feel. I think they're understanding what Greg and I are saying.

The first week was pretty brutal. There's a detox period you go through where your body is getting used to going without the sugar and other junk. I think it could have been worse because I'm not a soda or coffee drinker, those would have been hard to quit cold turkey. As it was I alternated between feeling on top of the world and wanting to scream at people for breathing too loud. Pleasant, right? Fortunately I think we're over that hump. People can now breathe around me without fear.

I'm still tired but I have tons of energy. That sounds like it should be an oxymoron but I swear it's true. I'm getting more done, the thought of folding laundry doesn't make me want to cry (at least not out loud), I just feel better.

I'm also getting to that annoying stage where I think everyone should give this a try. Beware if you have a birthday coming up, you might get a copy of the Whole 30 book (only $18 on Amazon (not an ad, just a good deal))!

In summary: Whole 30 might be the best idea I've had all summer. Besides the one where I insist my kids have quiet reading time every afternoon. Translation: 2 hours of quiet.

Giving up but not giving in

so little!

by Kristen

In a fit of desperation I opened my Gospel Library app and looked for my conference talk bookmark (I usually listen to a talk or two while I'm getting ready for the day). So I found my bookmark and started listening.

But I guess I should give you some backstory first. Today has just been one of those days. Actually if I'm honest this week has been one for the record books. I've been walking around mildly ticked off at the world and trying not to lose it. There has been a constant battle between tears and yelling, both of which I try to avoid.

I was losing the battle this morning. The last straw was when my sweet little Maggie wanted to help vacuum.

"I help you". 

Yes, I know. These days are short and I won't have littles helping for much longer. I am all too aware of that. This time goes fast. Someone wiser than me said "our lives passed away like... a dream". I agree. 

But I still wanted to vacuum. 

I was desperate for calm so in a moment of Divine inspiration I turned to my app and started listening where I had left off. It was this talk by Boyd K. Packer. About the marriage relationship and families.

I should have added that I was also irked with my patient and kind husband. Why? I don't know. I think he looked at me wrong or something earth shattering like that.

The next talk in line was by Linda Burton, also about marriages and families. And that was when the tears really started to come. 

Thunderbolts wouldn't have been more dramatic, I get it!!

These days of raising children are hard. I am constantly on duty. I don't get a break and I don't get sick days. 

I am allowed to be overwhelmed sometimes. It's okay to feel that I'm just not enough. And sometimes I think it's even okay to not be thrilled to be around my family (occasionally, not all the time).

Because when this life is over I will know that most of the time I did a really good job and that there were even days when I was above average. I know that even when I don't feel like I'm good enough for this job, that I'm really doing okay. These hard days aren't the sum total of my existence, there just that: days, and usually not even days, most often it's measured in minutes and sometimes hours.

So here's a note to myself for the next time I feel like throwing in the towel and retreating to a cave: hold on. You're going to make it and you're doing a good job. Plus you can't give in, no one else makes cookies like you do, it's your gift!

Summer Fun: swimming with 5 kids

this was just last year! too little!

by Kristen

I guess that title kinda sounds like a paradox... okay, sometimes it's not fun but most of the time the pool is our favorite summer spot.

But I'm outnumbered. Big time. So here's how we make it work (usually).

Do

• get everyone ready at home; swimsuits, sunscreen. You can do all of that before you leave. I also wait until we get home to have everyone change out of their suits. Well except for Maggie, she gets changed at the pool because those swim diapers are super absorbent. I think she gains 10 pounds every time she swims, no small thing since she just barely topped 20!
• bring a snack, but just a small one. I'm talking a package of graham crackers or a bag of grapes. Oh, and don't forget water (I bring a jug and small plastic cups, it's easier than water bottles for everyone). You could bring money to buy treats at the concession stand but I'm too cheap for that!
• stay halfway packed. I have a bag that always stays loaded with sunscreen, earplugs, goggles, swim pass, stuff like that. The towels and blanket get folded up as soon as they're dry and get put in the back of the suburban.
• make the kids help. Even the littlest carried her towel today. It did take her forever to walk but I'm thinking that's because she's easily distracted. You're not a pack mule, don't act like it.

Don't

• bring tons of toys, one or two is fine, more than that is too much to keep track of 
• stay too long, you can come back the next day, less is more
• think about yourself. No one cares what you look like so just enjoy your time being in the water and playing with your kids. That's the kind of mom that looks the best.
• forget to put on sunscreen. I'm an ace at making sure the kids are covered but I forget about myself. And then the next day I remember. Ouch!
• count on the lifeguards to watch your kids. That's your job, take it seriously.
• forget to have fun. Kids grow up way too fast. Pretty soon they won't want to hang out at the pool with Momma so enjoy this busy season.

I love summer. It's nice to slow down and not have a packed agenda. Enjoy whatever it is you do and STAY SAFE!!!

Different Hats

Disclaimer: I'm constantly learning how to live life. I don't ever claim to have all the answers! This is what's worked for me, you are probably different. And that's OK!!

I often get asked how I fit college into my life. People wonder how I take care of my family and work and go to school and still take naps. I answer with the flippant answer "that's a good question, I don't know!"

But even though it's hard for me to give serious answers, I do have a few tricks of the school/ family trade.

1. PLAN. Everything. Don't leave anything to chance. I have a planner from iheart organizing that I live by. It has our menu, everything I need to do and what I am expecting to get done during the week. It's even possible that I schedule naps for myself but I'll never tell. I plan out the next week on Sunday nights so that I know exactly what's on tap. I also use my trusty sticky notes to write down everything that is due in the coming week, I number each assignment in order of priority. That goes on my desk and as I complete an assignment I cross it off. That gives me an idea of where I need to be at each day of the week, that way I don't have the weekend rush trying to get everything done.
2. ELIMINATE. During the school year I don't (usually) do projects besides those related to school. I love home fix up and sewing and all those other time consuming projects but they aren't a priority during the school year. I also don't let myself read much of anything besides textbooks and my scriptures. I'm too easily distracted so if I don't even start than I'm better off. 
3. DELEGATE. The kids take care of most of the housework. I don't empty the dishwasher or dust. I don't take the garbage out and I certainly don't clean the kid's rooms. Yes that does mean that jobs don't always get done the way that I would like but I'm teaching my kids to be productive members of this family. That means that they take ownership for their zones and I don't follow behind touching up. I do know that there are some messes that I can't deal with so I do the vacuuming, sweeping, mopping and cleaning the bathrooms. I have a super quick routine that takes maybe 20 minutes 2 or 3 times a week. I won't win awards for the cleanest house but that's not really my goal.
4. ASK FOR HELP. On Saturday mornings my better half takes the kids and they go do something (anything really, just as long as it's not at the house) while I catch up on homework or take a nap. That's a chance for me to recharge and get ready for the next week. I look forward to that time alone. 
5. SAY NO. It kills me to say no but I can't do it all. I try to focus on the things that only I can do. I am a wife and a mother first, student second. Everything else can and will be done by someone else. And if you have known me for any length of time you'll know how hard that is for me to say!
6. DIVINE INTERVENTION. I can't do any of what I do without help from God. I constantly pray to do what needs to be done. He always amazes me with His perfect answers.

And of course there are days when everything falls apart and it's all I can do to make it to bedtime. That's when I try to remember that this is the busy season of my life and I'm okay with that. Occasionally I feel like I'm running around with no purpose but when I look back at what I'm doing I'm sort of blown away. I don't say that to brag but because I think that we're all like that. We are all doing amazing things and we don't even realize the greatness. 

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Okay, yes. The title is a take on the game show from years ago but seriously, have you ever wondered what it takes to become a millionaire, or at least retire a millionaire? A few weeks ago on the Dave Ramsey show there was an entire segment dedicated to exploring the secrets of America's millionaires.

I have always wanted to talk to someone who has "made it". I have wanted to find out what they have done to be successful with money. Dan talked to Dave and explained how he and his wife were able to be successful. He wasn't any different from the other millionaires that were on the show. Here's what I think:

• Dan didn’t average over 100k, most of the time he had a normal income
• He was debt free
• They put money away consistently
• He didn’t inherit money or win the lottery
• They didn’t buy new vehicles
• They lived below their income
• Bought things with cash
• Didn't have student loans

Those that are successful follow the principles found in "The Millionaire Next Door".  They followed solid financial principles that worked for our grandparents and they were consistent. These men and women are also living pretty ordinary lives. You wouldn't pass them on the street and be able to guess their net worth. And you know, that kinda makes me wonder, how many of my friends and neighbors are secretly wealthy? Not because I think that's information we need to share (so don't tell us) but I just wonder if there are more people that are able to live comfortably and give outrageously than we know. That's something to think about.

It takes serious work and dedication to retire with over a million dollar net worth but it's possible. And you don't have to be lucky or somehow special to do it, you just have to focus. Oh and get out of debt, we're still working on that part but we'll get there. I think we can all do it.

Happy Friday!! ~Clay's Debt Free Journey

I heard this inspiring story the other day from a man named Clay. No matter how down you are in this life you can get out of it and get back on your feet. This amazing man made restitution to those that he had stolen from. I feel that if we try to forgive others and ourselves, we are well on our way to a great life. I could feel the emotional release when he screamed, it was like we were all there cheering him on. 

I hope we remember that when we get discouraged in whatever we are facing that we fill our minds with positive things. One thing he did to help him was to think of his kids. That inspired him to do the right thing and turn his life around. If we remember the good things in life it is harder to drag us down. Focus on the good and try to repay the bad.

At the end of the day the grace of God is what makes the difference. Clay is an inspiration and an example of what it means for a man's heart to be changed. Pretty amazing.

Here's another video that gives us a better look at Clay's story and some of the things that he did to completely and totally turn his life around. This is one of the good ones.

In Chronological Order

2002- Boy lives in one state, girl lives in another. Boy calls girl, they talk about nothing and everything. Several more calls happen. Boy and girl spend some time together. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy proposes to girl in an airport. Girl says yes.

2003- Girl moves to same state as boy. Boy and girl get married one really cold April day. Boy and girl are beyond happy. Girl sees a tiny little puppy and says "pretty please", boy sees puppy eyes and says yes.

2004- Puppy has a rival for boy and girl's affection when new baby girl comes along. Girl is pretty certain the people at the hospital are crazy to let her go home with a baby. Boy goes back to school.

2005- Boy and girl and new baby girl and not so tiny puppy move to a bigger house and are sure they'll never be able to use all the empty space.

2006- Boy and girl get a bit of a surprise when baby #2 is actually #2 and #3. Girl is now certain the people at the hospital won't let her go home with 2 babies. They do.

2007- Boy finishes school. Girl is very grateful to have a husband home in the evenings.

2008- Girl discovers her secret desire to run a marathon. Boy tells her to go for it and is now alone with three small children most Saturday mornings while girl runs. Girl runs marathon and swears to never participate in that kind of nonsense ever again. Boy is grateful to have a wife that can again walk up stairs without crying.

2009- Baby #4 comes along bringing the total to 2 boys and 2 girls. Those people at the hospital let girl take that baby home despite her serious doubts.

2010- Girl plans a really long road trip. Boy has doubts but goes along with yet another one of her crazy ideas. Girl begins to have doubts but she's made the plans and is stuck. Boy and girl pack the kids in the car and take off. Really long road trip ends up being lots of fun. Girl also struggles with untreated postpartum depression, that's a long uphill battle but eventually everyone survives.

2011- Girl decides it's time for her to go back to school and finish what she never really started.  Boy also decides to go back to school and get his Masters degree. That big house that seemed so empty is actually bursting at the seams.

2012- Girl thinks that life is kinda boring and that they need to mix things up a little.  So kids start ballet. Some of them play baseball. All of them swim. Girl wonders what she was thinking. Boy keeps going to school like the genius he is. Boy and girl dream about spending time together not doing homework. Girl also decides to run another marathon. This one was billed as "all downhill", she discovers the race directors were lying at about the 2 mile marker.

2013- Baby number #5 decides to finally join the fun. It's a beautiful little girl who is adored by all, she's a gift from above. Boy also discovers that his long time job is coming to an end. Together they decide to batten down the hatches and ride this storm out. Boy also graduates with a Masters degree and amazing grades. This is all while working and taking care of a growing family. Girl is in awe.

2014- A job takes a little while to finally come but they're okay because despite being unemployed they're happier than ever, the savings last just as long as they need to and all is well. New job arrives and brings many blessings. The things they have learned cause a major course correction.

2015- A brand new year brings new chances to change lives. It also brought heartache as we said goodbye to Doggie, she did more than her fair share of highchair crumb patrol and feet warming, we miss her everyday (not just because of the floor pick up, although it was one of the perks). Happily, the student loan debt is slowly but surely disappearing. All 5 kids are healthy and happy and well. Boy loves his job and looks forward to each day. Girl is still in school but is picking up the pace, big time. She has also finally decided on a career direction, when she grows up she wants to help other families in financial crisis. Boy and girl are more in love today than all those years ago.

The Jordan River Temple
where this all began 12 years ago

Yesterday was our 12th anniversary. We celebrated with the usual Sunday fun (scriptures gone missing, a baby who needed a nap, dinner with family), it was pretty great. It's also not anything that I could have dreamed of way back when we first got married but it's better than I had hoped. I love that husband of mine, he really is my better half. Everything good and wonderful in my life has come because of his love and support. And that's the truth.

Give a little, get back a TON!

Give money away so that you can keep more in the end.

Sounds like a paradox to me. Or a crazy tax law.

Greg and I (in our debt elimination stage of life) faithfully donate the first 10% of our income to the church that we attend. We've done that since we started earning money long before we were even married. It's never been a question, we pay our tithing first and that's just what we do.

Now does that mean it's easy? Some people will tell you that it's not difficult and it sort of isn't all that hard but when you're counting every penny it can still be difficult to give that money away and to expect nothing in return. Except here's the funny thing, we've received more than we ever gave away. No, we don't get a check at the end of every year reimbursing us for the tithing that we paid. I don't mean that kind of benefit. There have been more intangible things.

Like healthy babies. And kids that have stayed healthy. Greg worked 2 jobs and went to school AND got really good grades. I've had 5 children and stayed (mostly) sane. Our marriage is strong, we actually like each other. Our faith and our belief is rock solid. Our debt is going away and somehow we keep finding extra money to throw at this beast.

I wrote the first draft of this post on Tuesday night and then Wednesday morning something crazy happened. The fuel pump in the Suburban went out, dead. Like side of the road, call a tow truck dead. But are you ready for the amazing part? It happened after I had been to work, after I had dropped the kids off at school and on the side of the road. It wasn't while I was rushing to get somewhere, it wasn't in the middle of an intersection, it actually was right by the school during the morning drop off rush. That meant that as I was sitting on the side of the road trying to figure out what to do I started to get phone calls and texts asking if I was okay. A friend stopped and picked up Maggie and me, she even happened to have an extra car seat. Coincidence? Nope. The mechanic gave me the grand total and by a weird series of events we had just that much extra sitting in our checking account. That NEVER happens.

I credit all of this to divine intervention*.

See all of the money that comes through our hands, that's not really our money. It's God's and He is letting Greg and I be stewards of a little part of what He has. All that He asks it that we pay 10% back to Him and then the 90% that is left is our responsibility to manage wisely. When we pay our tithing we are saying to Him that we trust that He will help us to make up the difference. Somehow we have been able to do more with the 90% that is left then we could have if just left to ourselves.

I don't understand God's math but I understand that He loves me. I know that He blesses my efforts when I try to follow His word. I know that He rewards His profitable servants.

So yes, tithing is our first obligation but the funny thing is that it's not really an obligation, it's more like an investment with a crazy rate of return. That sounds like a good plan to me.

PS- I hold my beliefs very dear and I also respect your right to believe the way you choose. If you disagree that's okay but please be respectful.

*Sometimes awful things happen to really good people who do all the right things, I don't understand that part of God's plan. But I do know one thing, God knows His plan and He loves each of His children. When I get to heaven I am going to ask why heartache has to happen but until then I know that my Savior came to earth and died so that all of that heartache, well, it's gone. He takes care of that.

Valentine's Day, our version

Alternate titles for this post could have been "Sometimes we put down our calculators" or "How to have fun with your family without going insane" or maybe "Valentine's Day: don't buy into the mass hysteria because you can show people you love them without spending a ton of money and it's a fake holiday anyways". But I felt like that last one might have been a little wordy...

Sure we love budgeting around here and squeezing all that we can out of our budget and thinking of every possible way to save/ make money (right now the kids are rooting for a garage sale) but we still like to have a good time. You know, in a budget friendly sort of way of course. We're also pretty big on family traditions. But they have to be the low key, no stress kind because my tolerance for mess and large projects is about nil. 

I also sort of hate the idea of a holiday where you are forced to buy crappy chocolate and overpriced flowers and spend 2 hours waiting in line to eat in a restaurant with a million other couples while you stare lovingly into your better half's eyes. Ya, I can do that any day and I don't need a stupid made up holiday to remind me how much I love my husband. Valentine's Scrooge? Perhaps.

But what I do love is my family. I like spending time with them and I like creating simple traditions. Greg found this idea a few years ago and we've made it our own. We call it Cupid's Cafe. We move the table into the living room and make it look fancy (no tablecloths though, toddlers + tablecloths= bad idea). We create a menu with 9 options but the names of the menu items don't give you any clue what you're ordering. Last year the menu items were names of Beanie Boos (and if you don't know what a Beanie Boo is then count yourself lucky). We have 3 rounds of ordering so the kids pick 3 things off of the menu and that's their first course. Of course because they don't know what they're ordering they end up with things like a napkin, a plate and dessert. Or pizza, a cup and the appetizer. It's pretty hilarious. One year Anna ordered a fork, a plate and a napkin for her first course. She laughed through the first round (and was really grateful to get some food on the second course).

I got smarter last year and let the kids make the menus (hence the Beanie Boos) and set the table. That meant that all we had to do was move the table, make the meal and of course Greg and I were the servers. The kids got the biggest kick out of ordering a Pugsley, a Nacho and a Waddles, the belly laughter is the best! It is the easiest celebration ever but it's something the kids look forward to all year long. Jennie is in charge of the menus this year and she's been working on them since before Christmas.

I also really like that we're teaching our kids that the best kind of love is found in your home with your family. I hope that as they grow and get into the teenage angst time of their lives that they will have these things to cling to, I hope they will remember that things and stuff and temporary relationships don't matter. Rather it's what's important; like your family and working towards a goal and loving the time that you have together.

PS- I do love some good dark chocolate and I'm a sucker for fresh flowers, I just don't want someone to buy them for me because some marketing campaign told them they have to. Of course if you want to just bring them over because you like me... well, I'll give you my address.

PPS- None of the pictures above have anything to do with this post, except of course that they are our children and we like them and it makes us happy when they are happy. Other than that, no relevance at all.

The B Word

You know, the one. The one that you hear people say and you scream and cover your ears. That one.

I'll whisper it to you.

Budget.

I hated doing the budget. First of all, I had to do it by myself and there was never enough money to make everyone happy. I figured that life would just be easier if I just paid everything and then hoped for the best.

You can imagine how that worked out.

I also hated feeling controlled. Doing the budget meant that I wouldn't be able to go to the store and just spend money. It meant that there wasn't any money to just blow. I preferred the spend what you want first, then try to pay the bills, then move money that supposed to stay in the emergency fund to cover things like the mortgage when you're in a crisis. At least I got what I wanted before I had to face reality.

Pretty grown up, I know.

It's scary to see what your finances look like in black and white but here's the crazy thing, it's usually not as bad as you think it is. You know when your kid won't eat dinner because they're like "it's yucky" and you know that if they just tried it they would like it? Doing a budget is the same thing, we always imagine it to be more painful then it is. But I couldn't figure that out, oblivion was a better plan.

So is hoping someone else will take care of things but I'm pretty sure that's not a solid plan.

But fortunately life threw us a few fastballs and it knocked some sense into us. Now I'm a budget nerd. I check our written plan several times a week and right now I could tell you exactly how much money is in which account. Like I said, Nerd.

So what changed? I didn't get a brain transplant and my personality didn't change but I finally realized that all the experts were right. Having a written plan means that you have more money to spend, not less. It takes away the stress and the worry. It makes money fun again.

It took us a few months to really get the hang of things, we (meaning Greg and I working together) made our original plan and then adjusted categories as we went along. At first our grocery budget was pulling a Goldilocks, too high, then too low and now, just right. We tried to be crazy conservative and didn't budget any money to blow and that didn't work, one or both of us would start feeling a little twitchy and the next thing you knew our plan was out of whack again. So we began to budget blow money, that's money that we each get and we don't have to be accountable for, it's just ours to well, blow.

We're Financial Peace University grads and we think that the FPU budgeting forms are the easiest to use but it really doesn't matter what you use as long as you spend every dollar on paper that you make BEFORE you do any real spending. If you have given every dollar a place to go, you'll suddenly realize that you have more than you imagined.

Don't forget, if you have something you'd like us to address we'd love to hear from you. You can comment below or send us an email.

Starting Over Again

And again. And again. And one more time.... Okay, so this could go on forever. But I think you get my point. None of us are perfect, very rarely do we ever do something perfectly the first time and then keep hitting perfection each time.

Like my oldest daughter says "h space a space h space a" (10 year old sarcasm, heaven help us). Most of the time life is a series of high, low, high again, serious crash, repeat and repeat.

We started getting serious about getting out of debt way back in 2008. Nope you didn't read that wrong. We only had 3 kids, we were younger and we had less than half of the debt we're carrying now. So what happened between then and 2015? Why did we add a ton more to our load?

I already told you about grad school. We also made a couple more stupid choices along the way. So here we are again, we are blessed to have 5 kids and sadly, twice as much debt and we're following the same plan that we started on all those years ago.

What's different this time around? Why do we think it's going to work?

Well this time the kids are involved. When we started our oldest wasn't even in kindergarten and now we have 4 in elementary school. Greg and I talk about being in debt and the things that we're doing to get out of it. We've told them about the way that being in debt robs your freedom. Last week I drew a thermometer on construction paper. It's our debt tracker and it has numbers on each side. On the right is the total amount we have to pay back and on the left is the running total of what is done. It's pretty exciting to come into the kitchen and see them gathered around the paper seeing how much we have paid back.

One of the things that has made us so motivated is knowing that we have 5 kids headed on missions and to college in the not distant future. Somehow all of that has to be paid for and we don't want to be unable to help our children because we are still cleaning up our mistakes. That's a huge incentive.

I've shared with you how Greg and I are both committed to this plan but it bears repeating. We are on the same page. Totally. Sadly that hasn't always been true. After our fourth child was born in 2009 I just kinda went off the deep end. I lost touch with everything that mattered for a couple of years. That included our finances. Greg would try to encourage me to get back on track so that we could get rid of our debt but I wouldn't respond. We were making great money back then so technically this debt could be gone by now but because I was just barely surviving I couldn't do it. We lost those few years but now we're back. Everyone is mentally and physically healthy and we can devote our resources to this massive goal.

Am I certain that this time around is going to be different? Well, no. I occasionally worry but I'm not focused on the fear of failure. Instead we keep working and praying and talking about what we are doing. We're planning a celebration trip for when this debt is gone. The kids have decided where they want to go (Nashville, Disney World and a cruise, oh my) and Greg has printed out pictures of a cruise ship and a Disney World map for us to drool over. Every morning after family prayer we practice our debt free scream (WE'RE DEBT FREE!!!) and we just keep following our plan. I don't know what's coming next but I do know that we paid off one of our little debts just yesterday and man, that feels good.

He says, She says

Sometimes there's a difference of opinion around the Miles' house. Occasionally one of us will convince the other that they're right. Once in a while we will both be wrong. And then there are other times. That's what we tactfully call, "agreeing to disagree".

So would you like to hear about one of those times?

When I wrote my series on surviving unemployment, I used the word "unemployment" over and over again because, hey, we didn't have a job with health insurance and a retirement plan. Yes, there were 2 part time jobs that made a huge difference but as far as I was concerned Greg was out of work.

Then the other day Greg wrote about the Baby Steps and he talked about "underemployment". See those part time jobs meant that we were getting money and our mortgage was being paid. They weren't ideal jobs and they were just temporary plugs to hold back the dam while we found full time employment.

So who's right? Me? Him? Does it matter?

Nah, not really. I still consider us to have gone through a defining time of unemployment. Greg believes that we were changed by our time in underemployment. 

What's most important is that whatever word you use, it was a challenging experience in our family but it didn't tear us apart. It made us better people and it made our relationship deeper and stronger.

Even if we still disagree on things. Like the correct flavor of a milkshake.

It's mint Oreo in case you're wondering.

I should get an A

A new semester started yesterday. I always love the beginning of each set of classes (fresh start and all that) but this one is super exciting because I am done with generals and now I get to move on to classes for my major. I feel like a real live grown up with a life plan... or something like that.

Anyhow one of my classes is Personal Finance and I just had to laugh when I saw the syllabus. The course objectives are as follows (direct copy and paste):

1. The student will demonstrate management of their personal finances including budgeting, bank services, insurance, home ownership, investments, and retirement planning. Each student’s management style will embody elements of uniqueness of problem solving strategies and goal selection.

2. The student will demonstrate an understanding of the importance of personal financial planning in their personal and family lives. Students will show evidence that their financial decisions will impact both their family and society.

3. The student will demonstrate awareness of the financial services markets and recognize the connections relative to access to financial services, credit score, interest rates, income and individual financial opportunity.

4. Students will be aware of critical personal financial literature including classic and contemporary thought.

Budgeting, I've got that. 

Problem solving strategies, have you seen my life?! 

Personal financial planning in family lives, hah, in my sleep. 

Interest rates, you want to talk interest, let's talk about student loan interest. 

Critical personal financial literature? You should see my nightstand.

I'll give you a full report at the end of the semester but based on the course objectives I'd better get an A in this class because people, I am LIVING this class!

Surviving Unemployment: Part Two- The Parents

Here's part two in our series about surviving unemployment. The small company where Greg had been working decided that his position needed to be changed. Unfortunately he wasn't the right fit for the new position. This was actually okay because he had been passively looking for a new direction and was thinking that a change would be nice. We just hadn't been very serious about finding a new job until we were forced into that situation.

We immediately started shoveling everything into savings and just cut back in every way possible. When the first day of being unemployed came it was pretty scary but the experience was also not as bad as it could have been. And don't forget, I'm writing this based largely on my journal entries from that time so this isn't some looking back and forgetting the hellish details kind of list, this is real time reporting, sort of. Well, you know what I mean. On to the good stuff.

Oh, I should give you fair warning, this list is going to read like a motivational speech. I'm almost embarrassed to share but it's true, it's a pretty fool- proof plan.

So here we go. This is how we made surviving unemployment, well, survivable.

• Be grateful. We had a home. There was food in the fridge. Our kids were healthy. We still had each other. The list went on and on and the more we tried to be grateful, the more we had to be grateful for.
• Have some perspective. Yep we were out of a job. That sucked. But you know what's really awful? Being familiar with your local children's hospital. That's on a completely different level of awful. Stepping back and saying "yes, this is hard but the things that really matter (our children, our marriage, our faith), those are okay.
• But also accept that the situation is pretty awful. Our children were healthy, our marriage was solid and our faith had never been stronger but we were still really worried. Giving yourself permission to feel bad about your situation is okay.
• Cut back. We didn't eat out. We didn't buy new clothes. There were serious conversations about needs versus wants. Most things got classified as a want. We actually kept a running list titled "When Greg Gets a Job". All of those things that we didn't do or buy we would put on the list. I was looking at it the other day and it's pretty funny. We had put things on the list like dish towels and socks. New socks are nice but feeding your babies, that's better. 
• All work is worthy. As long as it's legal of course. What I mean is that sometimes we start to think that certain jobs are beneath us but I'm here to tell you that your mortgage company accepts your money whether it came from a full time job with benefits or stocking shelves overnight at the grocery store. While you're looking for work don't be afraid to take a temporary position to make ends meet.
• Pray. A lot. Before the loss we were very active in our church. We both held positions as teachers and leaders and we always tried to do our best. Our religion wasn't a Sunday only kind of thing but when all that we could do was turn everything over to God and ask for His help, well that took us to a whole different place in our spiritual life. I'm not saying that we're perfect saints now (ha, so far from it) but we have a deeper understanding of the mercy and goodness of God and His Son. 
• Accept when people want to help. Greg and I had prided ourselves on being people that gave instead of taking. People that we loved would offer to help and it was really hard to just say thank you and accept their offering. Being in a position of need forces you to learn humility and gratitude.
• Cling to each other. It wasn't Greg's fault that he lost his job. It wasn't mine that I couldn't make up the difference in our income. What was, was. Blaming each other would have been so destructive. There was never a time when we needed each other's love and support more. Our marriage is rock solid in a way that we never knew was possible.

As we went through our time of unemployment we would say to each other "I'm so glad that this happened". That's because it was a time for us to learn what was most important. We understand in a little deeper way how much we mean to each other. We know just how little we need to be happy. Our faith and our family and our marriage are different because of this experience. We needed something serious to wake us up to the reality of what we had. My hope as we go forward is that I won't ever lose that conviction of what matters most.

366 Days Ago

Our best Christmas came last year. Greg was losing his job and we had 5 little children, the youngest just a few months old. We had a little bit of warning that this loss was coming so we decided to buckle down and throw everything we could into savings. We wanted to be sure that we could keep a roof over our family and lights and heat and food on the table. We hoped that unemployment would be short but we just didn't know what was in store. Christmas was coming and there was no way that we could justify spending money on presents, not with uncertainty looming. Greg and I decided to make Christmas very small. We were going to spend $5 on the older kids and nothing for each other. This didn't feel like a sacrifice or a sad thing. It was just the right choice for our situation.

Fall 2013: the usual pre- pic chaos

Then our neighbors found out and decided to take care of things. Every year our little neighborhood does a Sub- For- Santa and they chose to bless our family. They filled our living room with gifts, things for each member of our family.  

We would come home at night and there would be more gifts and cards and jars full of coins in our screen door. This happened for days.  

One night the doorbell rang and Santa was standing there. He had a bag full of toys and a candy cane for each child. He greeted the kids by name, handed me an envelope then said "Merry Christmas" and drove away. We didn't recognize the car or the face or the voice, he was a complete stranger.  

When people gave us things I just cried. I could never make the words come out. Greg and I were so overwhelmed by the kindness of people that we knew and loved and by the generosity of strangers. For some reason they chose to bless our family in ways that might have seemed superficial and maybe non- essential but every gift that they gave meant so much more. They gave us the courage that we needed to face our coming trial. They reminded us that God above was watchful and mindful of our little family.  

That's why last Christmas was our very best ever. It was the year when we were only able to do a little tiny bit for our family but because of the grace of others it was the most plentiful time in our lives, not because of the overwhelming gifts but because of the love we were surrounded by. That's why a tiny baby came to earth over 2000 years ago, He was born to make up the difference and to do for us what we just can't do alone. That's the real meaning of Christmas; Jesus Christ, the Savior of the World.

Student Loans and Silver Linings

I'm starting to feel like a one- trick pony, all I talk about are student loans! Indulge me one more time and read about some of the good things that have come from all of this mess.

Say WHA??????!!!!!!!!!!!

Great things. Seriously. Today I am guest posting at Strawberry Mommycakes and to say that I am thrilled is like the understatement of the year. So click on over.